Love is When..you empathise!!

Love is When..you empathise!!
Love is When..you empathise, forgive unconditionally!!

Love is..when you make exception!!

Love is..when you make exception!!

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oo..oo

oo..oo

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Love Is When

Love Is When
Love Is When

******To show that love is true, stop talking, start showing and feeling ******

******To show that love is true, stop talking, start showing and feeling ******

Medicine for Humans

Medicine for Humans
Love overdose



Love Lessons



Love Makes it Impossible to Sleep


You Can Be Your Own Worst Enemy

Love Isn't Easy

Lost Love Can Be Haunting

Love Really is All You Need

Being in Love Means You -
Never Fight Alone

You Have To Be Willing To Take a Chance


Love Gone Wrong is a Kind of Prison

A Broken Heart Leaves Scars


Love Never Really Fades


  • 50 First Dates (2004)
  • A Lot Like Love (2005)
  • A Walk to Remember (2002)
  • A Walk to Remember - Nicholas Sparks
  • Across the Universe (2007)
  • America’s Sweethearts (2001)
  • Armageddon (1998)
  • As You Like It - William Shakespeare
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's - Truman Capote
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's - Truman Capote
  • Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)
  • Bridget Jones's Diary (Bridget Jones, #1) - Helen Fielding
  • Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason - Helen Fielding
  • Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)
  • Brokeback Mountain (2005)
  • Casablanca (1943)
  • City of Angels (1998)
  • Cruel Intentions (1999)
  • Dirty Dancing (1987)
  • Emma - Jane Austen
  • Ever After (1998)
  • Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
  • Gone With the Wind (1941)
  • Gone With the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
  • Grease (1978)
  • How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
  • I'm In No Mood For Love I'm In No Mood For Love (Writer Friends, #2) - Rachel Gibson
  • If Only (2004)
  • Just Like Heaven (2005)
  • Love Actually (2003)
  • Love Story (1970)
  • Love Story - Eric Segal
  • Match Me If You Can Match Me If You Can (Chicago Stars, #6) - Susan Elizabeth Phillips
  • Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)
  • Mr. Darcy's Diary - Amanda Grange
  • Never Been Kissed (1999)
  • Notting Hill (1999)
  • P.S. I Love You (2007)
  • Pretty Woman
  • Pride And Prejudice - Jane Austen
  • PS, I Love You - Cecelia Ahern
  • Romeo and Juliet - William Shakespeare
  • Rules of Attraction Rules of Attraction (Perfect Chemistry, #2) - Simone Elkeles
  • Runaway Bride (1999)
  • Sex and the City the Movie (2008)
  • Shakespeare in Love (1999)
  • Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
  • Something’s Gotta Give (2003)
  • Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
  • The Accidental Husband
  • The Notebook
  • The Perfect Man (2004)
  • The Tempest - William Shakespeare
  • The Way We Were
  • The Wedding Date(2005)
  • The Wedding Planner (2001)
  • The Wedding Singer (1998)
  • There’s Something About Mary (1998)
  • Titanic (1997).
  • Truly Madly Yours Truly Madly Yours - Rachel Gibson
  • When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
  • When Harry Met Sally (1989)
  • While You Were Sleeping (1995)
  • Working Girl (1988)
  • You’ve Got Mail (1998)
Friendship personalities of sun signs

We laugh, we cry; we fight and we make-up. We also hold grudges and keep secrets. But then soon enough, we pour our hearts out. We stand by each other in toughest times and on the lowest days. And, yet we make fun of each-other. We are friends!

The cousins we get to choose for ourselves, our alter-egos, our friends play a distinctive role in shaping our choices, preferences and even our personalities. One of the most important influences in our lives, friends are like colours – adding not just beauty and variety to our lives, but also substance and support.

Let's get to know them even better with the Sun Sign-wise guide to friendship personalities -


ARIES
Aries is a fire sign, so independence is a part of its legacy. Happiest when they are in charge of situations, Aries natives have a competitive side that surfaces whenever they are in large groups of people. Their sharp wit and quirky sense of humour ensures that the people of all ages and temperaments connect well with them. Never at a loss for companions, they themselves are extremely selective about their own friend circle. It's definitely going to be a night to remember when friends step out with these fun-loving, flamboyant rock-stars. However, the Aries' need for variety kicks in soon after, and then, the Aries natives are perfectly capable of moving onto a new set of friends, especially if they are bored. Ruled by the First House, the house of Self, Aries tend to put their own needs first, though not intentionally. This should cast no shadow of doubt on their reliability as friends, as they may not share that last piece of chocolate, but they will always be there for their friends, even at 4 am.



TAURUS
There's an inner genuineness to Taurus that shines through, and naturally attracts people to them. They believe that friends are a great source of learning and support, and pride themselves on their stimulating and eternal friendships. They are often the ones with kindergarten friends, who can regale each other with stories from the past, and share an enviable unspoken understanding. They exemplify the phrase 'friends for life', playing varied roles of protector, entertainer, and critic as the need may be. They are steady and devoted, and their friendship is sure to stand the test of time. Without a demur, complaint, or rebuke, they will be there when they are needed, and will expect the same commitment from their friends. They are not big believers in the concept of 'complete space' in relationships, so they want to be involved in everything that matters to their friends. They can be the most wonderful friends if only their feelings are correctly understood. They are sensitive to the slightest snub, and will ably hide their insecurity below a smiling countenance, so friends will need to be careful to not take their undying loyalty for granted.



GEMINI
Gemini is one sign that seems tailor-made for friendship. Immensely popular on the social circuit, they swing between playing the dual roles of entertainers and intellectuals. This explains why they have a diverse set of friends - many groups for their many moods. They have two sides, and their friends need to know them well enough to assess the mood they are in. When they are in the mood for some moments of silence, nothing can lure them to a night around town. Similarly, when they are dressed to kill, they will ensure the night has no end. They love hanging out, and if their friends can tune into their wacky frequencies, they will be entertained to the hilt. With a mercurial temperament, Gemini is instantly attracted to intelligent people, and these relationships have the potential of becoming bonds for a lifetime. They are always open to adventures, so they have a different interesting perspective on most things. They are big on communication and would love spending time with someone they can match wits with. Optimistic and outgoing, they can create extraordinarily positive environments and help people see the brighter side of life.



CANCER
Many adjectives have been used to describe Cancer's sensitivity, but none of them can truly capture the essence of this soft-spoken sign's persona. They are definitely one of the more emotional signs of the zodiac, but that speaks volumes for the genuineness of their affections. They are loyal friends and while they may not express their feelings much, they will stand by their loved ones come what may. Being ruled by the moon necessitates that they are subject to swift mood changes, and they may be found smack in the middle of a boisterous group one moment, while the next moment they will be sitting by the windowsill deeply lost in thought. Nostalgia is a mood-booster for them, and they can often be seen poring over old photo albums, reliving their past. Their aesthetic side takes over when it comes to decorating their houses or setting up a kitchen garden, and they pride themselves on their fine taste. The doors to Cancer's home are always open for friends, especially those who shower them with the love and understanding that Cancer deserves. Their feelings are easily hurt, so close pals may need to treat them with kid gloves until they are completely secure in the relationship.



LEO
If there were a sign of the zodiac that could personify sunshine, Leo would be it. Outspoken and dramatic, they don't believe in beating about the bush, a quality that wins them as many admirers as it does critics. Completely at home in the spotlight, they love soaking up the attention and being surrounded by people. They are immensely supportive friends, always keeping one eye open for opportunities that can help their loved ones excel. Easygoing and quick-witted, they are a treat to hang out with, so it goes without saying that they have a huge social circle. They are generous to a fault, and will happily foot the bill for their friends, as long as they are not taken for granted. Leo is never going to settle for anything less than what they want, be it a dinner date, a designer dress, or a summer vacation. Their friends quickly learn to appreciate their charming and playful nature, and realize that the best way to have a fun time is to go along with the flow. Their competitive side rears its head occasionally when they feel that their friends are stealing their thunder, but they soon regain their sunny disposition and laud their friends for their achievements.



VIRGO
There's a softness to Virgo that reflects on their countenances, and people cannot help trusting these gentle souls. It doesn't hurt that they are always full of relevant advice, and will swear to keep your secrets until their dying day. They are definitely the most helpful friends a person could wish for - the ones who can make a detailed itinerary when you're on vacation, and a shopping list when you're going to the grocery store. They are very particular about details, and love creating order out of chaos. Virgo is the best friend to have in an emergency, as they seldom lose their composure and can think their way out of most situations. Not just that, they will foresee the loopholes in the plans they make, and plug them in advance, so they make for meticulous planners. The downside of these perfectionist buddies is that sometimes they stress so much over the minutest detail, that they can drive their friends up the wall. They are not proponents of PDA; their affections are felt rather than seen, and they may be embarrassed by shows of appreciation.



LIBRA
Punctuality is definitely not a virtue where Libra is concerned. Not that it's their fault; they are merely victims of analysis paralysis. When they do eventually turn up, they will apologize with such grace and genuine regret that their friends will be hard put to stay mad at them. Smooth talkers with a positive take on everything under the sun, they can effortlessly charm their way into any situation. Resourceful and always ready to help, they are your best bet when you need something double-quick. And with the kind of bonds they form, their friends will never refuse them any favours. With their high levels of intellect and awareness, they are great friends to have and provide their friends with constant entertainment. Libra is a people's person, and alone time is totally not on their agenda. This may result in them being demanding of their friends' attention and time, but with the way they pamper their friends, who's going to complain? Swanky hotspots, dream vacations, designer threads, and A-list personalities – all these are an integral part of the Libra friendship plan. Friends swear by their taste in clothes, often hauling them off for shopping sprees.



SCORPIO
There is an aura of mystery that surrounds Scorpio, a quality that greatly intrigues their friends. They may be selective about opening up in matters close to their heart, and tend to hold back until they are sure their friends will not judge them. This also leads to frequent misunderstandings, as friends remain in the dark about the intensity of their feelings. Once friends have proved they are worthy of the Scorpio's affections, they can be assured of a companion for life. They are quite comfortable on their own, so they don't have many close friendships, but are possessive about the few they do. They are loyalty personified and will defend their friends come hell or high water, but they also expect a reciprocal allegiance. Forgive and forget is clearly not their motto and they will make a virtual note of any slight, so friends need to be doubly careful with their words and actions. They are scornful of flattery but have great respect for genuine praise, so when they appreciate something, you can be sure they mean it. With their secretive natures and intense emotions, Scorpio friends are anything but predictable.



SAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius is a sign that is fascinated by the very thought of learning, and any friend who can feed their eternal hunger for knowledge is a friend worth holding on to. Their interactions with their friends provide them with food for thought, and they keep an open mind so they can absorb everything they hear, see, and read. This is also the reason why they have a large and diverse set of friends. With their endless observations on culture and philosophy, Sagittarius can be an extremely interesting companion to have along on a journey. They get a high out of adventures so if you're game, they will take you on the ride of your life. Entertainment will be on the house when they are around, and friends will spend many side-splitting moments with these natural madcaps, even if the laughter is at their expense. Their love for the unique ensures they try out loads of hobbies and adventure sports, and needless to say, they will make friends there too. Friends can rely on Sagittarius blindly; they never hold a grudge, or tomtom a favour, and will be there for their friends when they need them irrespective of time or distance.



CAPRICORN
Capricorn is hardly the type to waste time on frivolities, as they are extremely clear of what they want and where they want to be. Often, they are so caught up in getting to their goals that they may come across as snooty, but this could not be further from the truth. Resourceful and capable, they will spare no expense when their friends need something. Their practical instincts kick in when they are asked for advice, and they can sit up all night with their friends to help them put their lives in order. They are not really the risk takers of the zodiac, and would happily trade an adventurous option for a tried and tested one. Although they are loners by nature, they manage to rustle up quite a few close relationships. Traditional and responsible, they have a very strong sense of the role they play in society, and are extremely dependable. Never one to wear emotions on the sleeve, Capricorn is a loyal friend and partner, and never goes back on a promise. They also have great respect for people who have come up the hard way, and are dedicated to their professions. With a fine sense of humour and their typical deadpan expressions, they manage to get away with biting sarcasm.



AQUARIUS
If you judge Aquarius by the number of friends they have, you would assume they are the most easygoing people to be with. This assumption is not far off the mark, but it is certainly circumstantial. In reality, they keep their cards extremely close to their chest, and it is very few people who have the privilege of sharing their secrets. They may be generous and caring individuals, who can go out of their way to help even strangers, but they can distance themselves from their loved ones in a flash. For someone with so many friends, Aquarius is strangely not desirous of being in the limelight. They would happily work behind the scenes when they see someone in need, and are embarrassed by demonstrations of gratitude. They love surprising their friends with little treats and expect nothing in return. The only prerequisite is that they should be the ones making the decisions, be it the cuisine for a night out, the colour of a shirt, or a weekend destination. Friends can safely assume they are headed for a good time, because Aquarius is blessed with impeccable taste and an eye for beauty. All will be well in paradise as long as their friends don't cling too tight or try to dispute their decisions; any restrictions or dissent will instantly get their hackles up.



PISCES
There's a whole new world that Pisces inhabits, and they often scuttle off there to sort out their thoughts. Caring and sensitive, they are the best people to turn to when you want to vent your frustrations or get advice on a new relationship. There isn't an iota of superficiality to the Pisces concern; they truly want to understand what you're feeling so that they can make you feel better with the appropriate response. Armed with hypersensitive intuition and a knack of knowing just what to say, they can be the best buddies ever. They will never complain when they are flooded with sob stories, and will patiently hear out every one, often offering pertinent advice. They expect their friends to tell them their troubles because they are extremely open with their emotions themselves. Their vulnerability may be their Achilles Heel however, as this opens them up to being manipulated or getting hurt. They are not superhuman after all; they have insecurities too, and need as much reassurance as anyone else. Once left to their own devices, they can surprise friends with their creative ideas, and make them see a dream world that takes their minds off their worries.


How your sun sign affects the way you fall in love.

Aries dives in with a thunderbolt of passion, and they won’t be slowed down for an instant. They’ll jump in with both feet, declare their undying love and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully they’ll have picked a lover who likes being swept off their feet!

Taurus never moves fast. These folks like to take their time, so their neon-lit moment may take a while to catch fire. But once they’ve decided, they won’t be put off by any resistance or coyness from the apple of their eye -- they’ll stick around until they get what they want.

Gemini often hears bells and whistles, but they’re familiar with their own fickleness and may hold back until they’re sure it’s not just another passing whim. In the interim, they’ll chat so entertainingly that their potential lover will become smitten before long.

Cancer is definitely driven by their feelings ... but they’re also highly self-protective. They’ll approach their beloved cautiously and in the best crab-like fashion: sideways! This means that they’ll test the waters by introducing their new love interest to their family for approval before declaring their singular devotion.

Leo wears their heart on their sleeve. They certainly don’t like being rebuffed, but amid all their enthusiasm, they probably won’t consider that a possibility! They’ll shower their newfound love with compliments, expensive dinners and objets d’amour -- and expect a commitment within the week.

Virgo doesn’t go in for impulse decisions when it comes to love; rather, they’ll review their prospect with a somewhat detached eye as they try to spot any flaws. They’ll then likely persuade themselves that imperfections are a part of life and need to be accepted. And if the physical attraction is strong enough at the start, they’ll surely tumble head over heels.

Libra is known for their cool demeanor and indecisiveness, so they can often talk themselves out of love. They’ll weigh the pluses and minuses and think through all possible options -- and if their choice is still there after all this careful consideration, they might just allow themselves to fall hard.

Despite being a fixed sign, Scorpio can instantly go off the deep end when it comes to love. They’re quite intuitive and are rarely wrong about a prospective partner’s reactions. Conversely, they’re also very self-protective and insist on receiving positive feedback before laying their heart on the line.

Sagittarius is fiery to the point of recklessness, and rarely hesitates right out of the gate in a new relationship. In fact, it seems as if they have a guardian angel on their shoulder to make love happen the way they want. The Archer is also remarkably resilient, and always remembers that if this one doesn’t work out, the next one will.

Capricorn can be surprisingly sensual, but they’re also socially ambitious. Because of this, they may experience inner conflict about whether the object of their desire will be right for their lifestyle -- now and in the future. They’re not known to move quickly, and will instead give the relationship time to develop naturally.

Intimacy makes Aquarius nervous, so the prospect of a lifelong mate is daunting. The first thing they’ll probably do is introduce their new love interest to their social circle to see how they fit in; they’ll also flaunt their independence to see whether possessiveness will be an issue. Only then will they allow the relationship to grow -- and even then, gradually.

Pisces will know immediately when their dream of romance is standing right in front of them. But being forthcoming is not a Piscean strength, so like a true Water sign, they’ll do all they can to protect their insecurities. They’ll dance around and be elusive, and only when they feel secure will they make their feelings known.

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Attract true love your way

1: Envision the relationship you want to be in:

“Until you are able to see yourself living the life that you truly want, it will be difficult for you to create it.” “The One” offers a number of concrete exercises — such as creating a collage of lifelong dreams and writing the story of one’s life as if it were a fairy tale that ends with all of your wishes fulfilled — that helps the reader identify his or her personal vision of a truly satisfying relationship. “It was fun to imagine the ideal life that I wanted for myself,” Carly C. says. “I enjoyed thinking about my ‘dream’ soul mate, and then relaxing and letting it go rather than struggling and feeling anxious about whether he would ever enter my life.”

2: Release any toxic ties and let go of the past:

Relationships we form “have the capacity to nurture and inspire our growth” or to “block the experience and expression of love in our lives.” Identify “toxic ties” as attachments “that cause us to lose personal power.” These attachments can include prior romantic partners, friends or relatives, and when we don’t release these “toxic ties,” they can prevent us from moving forward with our love lives and keep us from attracting a partner who nurtures and supports us. When you “Practice” “Releasing Toxic Ties,” journal about questions they may have regarding this issue, including:

  • What relationship(s), if any, do I suspect may qualify as a ‘toxic tie’ for me?
  • What fears are dominating me in this relationship?
  • What boundaries could I set that would increase the health and wellness in this relationship?

3: Set an intention for your life:

We can create a “climate in which love can ‘miraculously manifest’” by following the first three steps for setting an intention:

  1. “The first step: to have a thought and/or belief in a particular possibility.”
  2. “The second step: to speak your intention out loud.”
  3. “The third step: to take actions that support the manifestation of your intention, and abstain from those that sabotage it.”
“In other words, I believe that finding love is possible for me, and I tell those people who are capable of seeing that possibility as well (and probably even those I’m dating) that I’m committed to finding ‘The One.’ Then I do that which is consistent with that intention as well as refraining from that which is not.” The fourth step of setting an intention is letting go of the results once you’ve done the work outlined in the first three steps. In other words, now it’s time to relax and let life happen to you.

4: Write a love letter to yourself:

Imagine that you are your ideal partner and put aside a quiet half hour to write a love letter addressed to yourself. What would your partner love and notice about you? How would that person express his or her caring for you? Expect to feel resistance toward completing this exercise, but push through and see what you might learn about yourself from your letter and what your ideal relationship and partner would look like.

It is very rewarding and very eye-opening. It is all about you being ready; it’s about being in the right head space, rather than just the number of people you meet.”

5: Make a welcoming space for love in your life:

Take up a challenge to go through their homes and evaluate whether they’re welcoming environments or not. “Make a list of at least five things you can alter in your home to create a more welcoming environment for an intimate partner,”

“Add to that one or two things you do to alter your schedule so that there is some breathing room in your life to explore new relationships.”




Signs you are in
Love

Love. We all have been in love at least
once in our lives. And we all know that it does something to us.
Our body
language changes, we feel happier than usual, the world does not feel like a
hell hole anymore, and we find ourselves smiling randomly at odd hours at random
people. Love can do wonderful things to you and some of the obvious signs of
being in love are listed below.
1. She is ALWAYS on your mind
No matter
what you do or where you are, that one person will always be on your mind. It is
like they have hijacked your mind space and continue to dominate the area week
after week. In the beginning you might take this to be an obsession or even
infatuation, but if the dominance persists for a prolonged period, you can be
sure you are in love.
2. Ms. Perfect
Ever feel that she cannot do anything
wrong? That she is the one person who wouldn’t as much as hurt a fly and is
incapable of causing grief and harm to anyone on this planet? Ever find
yourself thinking that she is the best blend of talent and beauty, of compassion
and passion? If the answers to all the above is yes, you are in love!
3. Your
playlist = romantic songs
Our playlist suggests a lot about our personality.
It does not simply mirror our taste in music, but it reflects our current state
of mind as well. So if your playlist is full of love songs, then it is one major
sign of you being in love.
4. You want to spend ALL your time with her
If
you are going through a phase of wanting to meet and spend time with only one
person, then you are bitten by the love bug. People in love often don’t
feel like meeting friends/family. They simply want to spend all their time with
the person they love. If you are going through something similar, it does not
mean you are some crazy obsessive person, but it means that you want to get to
know her better and be around her all the time. So if you find yourself making
plans with her and only her every weekend, then you are in love.
5. You’re
willing to better yourself for her
For very few people in this world we are
willing to change or better ourselves. The obvious entries in this list of
people are close family members and a friend or two. If you find a girl (who is
not just your best friend) in this list then you know you are in love. If you
want to better yourself, be the best human you can possibly be for one girl then
you are definitely in love with her.


There is a difference between a "Nice Guy" and a "Good Man," as was recently brought to my attention. In a previous blog, I tried to pinpoint the characteristics of a "Nice Guy" (since I've been successful at bypassing him in life thus far), but a "Good Man" goes above and beyond our general idea of Mr. Nice Guy. His chivalry and actions, rather than words (or promises), define him as a quality human being. He's like the Platinum Card of men created in this world, and I would love to get an upgrade from my poor credit history.

So, here is my updated version of the ideal man (although, even a "nice guy" would be an upgrade from the emotionally unavailable men I keep getting issued with):

A Good man:

  • sends you warm wishes, kind words, and his best intentions because he truly cares for you. Or, he'll "say it like it is," because he cares about you.
  • takes care of his family because it's the honorable thing to do. He is a good father and provider. If he has to earn money collecting recyclables by digging in trash cans, he will. He will roll up his sleeves and shovel manure to be able to put food on the table.
  • makes you feel loved. His actions speak louder than words.
  • would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, or let you ride on his back as he takes you over the hurdles.
  • would give his life for the security of his family, or even his country. He gets upset when a soldier is discriminated against because of his sexual orientation. He makes an effort to teach his children about tolerance and compassion-- that we are all just people in this world.
  • doesn't need to sleep with hundreds of women to feel like a man. He has perfected the skills of pleasing the one woman he makes a connection with, and can turn away countless others who vie for the spot.
  • will take the high road, but would become the Tasmanian Devil to protect those he loves. He is the tamed lion you can lean on, but isn't ashamed to put on an apron to cook a feast.
  • does what is right, even if it's the hardest choice.

I want to dedicate this to a good man who, with a few short messages, breathed life back into my sails. With his warmth and compassion, he showed me that I don't miss being with someone so much as I long for the feeling of being thought of, cared about, and appreciated, most of all. The cinders are still smoldering in my heart, and I now know that I should never give up hope. Love is the most precious gift of this life. The fire in my heart will burn again. Thanks to all the good men out there who make a woman feel like a lady.

To all the other hopeful romantics: don't ever give up hope. As long as you're still breathing, life is forever changing before your eyes. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. And someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.
Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, this third act twist: the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule.
But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending, we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.
And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. Maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.
Or maybe the happy ending is this: Knowing that all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never, ever, gave up hope.

If you're the gal who doesn't need anything (or acts like she doesn't), the kind of guy you want will NOT pick …

Needy women attract good men.

"Low-maintenance" women attract jerks…or no men at all. Is this counter to what you've always thought?
Did you think that the less you expected from a man, the more he'd like you?

Well, consider this: A Good Man - one who is confident, mature and relationship-minded - wants to give to a woman and make her happy. He needs to know that you need him and that he's enhancing your already-great life.
A good man also wants to know that you respect and love yourself. He does not want to be completely responsible for your happiness. (That's why I said he wants to "enhance" your life, not "be" your life.)

Now, say you're the gal who doesn't need anything (or at least doesn't act like you do). Mr. Good Man will NOT pick you as a partner. He may sleep with you…but he won't marry you. If you don't leave room for him to be your hero, and you don't show that you know you're worthy of him, he will leave before you can say "Why didn't he call?"

On the other hand, let's say that you graciously receive his compliments and show enthusiastic appreciation for the big and little things he does for you. Maybe you occasionally ask for his advice and let him open the pickle jar. You also make and keep boundaries, expect him to keep his word, and expect to be treated special. That, along with your kindness to him, tells Mr. Good Man that you're relationship material.

You're able to welcome him into your life, and you're confident in who you are, what you want, and how to get it. Isn't it funny? All this time we thought being low maintenance got the guy. Actually, that was in high school.

Now, as a grownup woman looking to share her life with a grownup man, not expecting anything only gets the guy who doesn't want to give you anything. So here's some homework to help you decide where you stand with this.

Look back on previous relationships (short or long) and answer these questions: Were there any good guys who might have gotten away because you acted like you didn't need him and/or didn't seem to have any expectations of him?

~Are the men you're attracting the Good Guys? Are they givers or are they takers? ~Do you know your boundaries, and do you stick to them?

~How well do you show him that you respect yourself? If a cute guy asks you out for Friday night on Friday morning, do you accept?

When he doesn't call or shows up late, do you tell him it's okay because you don't want to scare him away? (I think he gets one free pass on these, btw.) When he's telling you he's too busy to see you week after week, are you still hanging on?

~And…how is this working for you?

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Timeless Rules for


 Making Tough 


Decisions



I perused the restaurant menu for several 

minutes, struggling with indecision, each item 

tempting me in a different way.

Maybe I should order them all . . .

Is this a silly decision not deserving deliberation?

 Maybe. But I bet you’ve been there. If not about 

food, then about something else.



We spend an inordinate amount of time, and a 

tremendous amount of energy, making choices 

between equally attractive options in everyday 

situations. The problem is, that while they may 

be equally attractive, they are 

also differentlyattractive, with tradeoffs that 

require compromise. Even when deciding 

between kale salad (healthy and light), salmon (a

 heavier protein), and ravioli (tasty, but high 

carbs).


If these mundane decisions drag on our time and

 energy, think about the bigger ones we need to 

make, in organizations, all the time. Which 

products should we pursue and which should we 

kill? Who should I hire or fire? Should I initiate

 that difficult conversation?

These questions are followed by an infinite 

number of other questions. If I am going to have

 that difficult conversation, when should I do it? 

And how should I start? Should I call them or 

see them in person or email them? Should I do it 

publicly or in private? How much information 

should I share? And on and on . . .

So how can we handle decisions of all kinds

 more efficiently? I have three methods that I 

use, two of which I have been implementing always, and the third which I discovered last week.

The first method is to use habits as a way to 

reduce routine decision fatigue. The idea is that 

if you build a habit —for example: always eat 

salad for lunch — then you avoid the decision 

entirely and you can save your decision-making 

energy for other things.

That works for predictable and routine decisions.

 But what about unpredictable ones?

The second method is to use if/then thinking to 

routinize unpredictable choices. For example, 

let’s say someone constantly interrupts me and 

I’m not sure how to respond. My if/then rule 

might be: if the person interrupts me two times in

 a conversation, then I will say something.

These two techniques — habits and if/then — 

can help streamline many typical, routine 

choices we face in our lives.

What we haven’t solved for are the larger more 

strategic decisions that aren’t habitual and can’t

 be predicted.



I discovered a simple solution to making 

challenging choices more efficiently at an offsite 

last week with the CEO and senior leadership 

team of a high tech company. They were facing a

 number of unique, one-off decisions, 

the outcomes of which couldn’t be accurately 

predicted.


These were decisions like how to respond to a 

competitive threat, which products to invest more

deeply in, how to better integrate an acquisition, 

where to reduce a budget, how to organize 

reporting relationships, and so on.

These are precisely the kinds of decisions which

 can linger for weeks, months, or even years, 

stalling the progress of entire organizations. 

These decisions are impossible to habitualize and

 can’t be resolved with if/then rules. Most 

importantly, they are decisions for which there is 

no clear, right answer.

Leadership teams tend to perseverate over this 

sort of decision for a long time, collecting more 

data, excessively weighing pros and cons, 

soliciting additional opinions, delaying while 

they wait — hope — for a clear answer to 

emerge.

But what if we could use the fact that there is no

 clear answer to make a faster decision?

I was thinking about this in the offsite meeting 

while we were discussing, yet again, the same 

decision we had debated in the past about what to

 do with a certain business, when the CEO spoke

 up.

“It’s 3:15pm,” He said. “We need to make a 

decision in the next 15 minutes.”

“Hold on,” the CFO responded, “this is a 

complex decision. Maybe we should continue the

 conversation at dinner, or at the next offsite.”


“No,” The CEO was resolute, “We will make a 

decision within the next 15 minutes.”

And you know what? We did.

Which is how I came to my third decision-

making method: use a timer.

If the issues on the table have been reasonably 

vetted, the choices are equally attractive, and 

there is still no clear answer, then admit that 

there is no clearly identifiable right way to go 

and just decide.

It helps if you can make the decision smaller, 

with minimal investment, to test it. But if you 

can’t, then just make the decision. The time you 

save by not deliberating pointlessly will pay 

massive dividends in productivity.

Hold on, you may protest. If I do spend more 

time on it, an answer will emerge. Sure, maybe. 

But, 1) you’ve wasted precious time waiting for

 that clarity and, 2) the clarity of that one 

decision seduces you to linger, counter-

productively and in fruitless hope for clarity, on 

too many other decisions.

Just make a decision and move forward.

Try it now. Pick a decision you have been 

postponing, give yourself three minutes, and just 

make it. If you are overwhelmed with too many 

decisions, take a piece of paper and write a list 

of the decisions. Give yourself a set amount of 

time and then, one by one, make the best 

decision you can make in the moment. Making 

the decision — any decision — will reduce your 

anxiety and let you move forward. The best 

antidote to feeling overwhelmed is forward

 momentum.

As for my lunch, I ordered the kale salad. Was it

 the best choice? I don’t know. But at least I’m

 not still sitting around trying to order.



Thursday, January 7, 2016

Love Has 3 Stages—And They Aren’t the Ones You Think


Love Has 3 Stages—And They Aren’t 

the  Ones You Think 





I’m a huge fan of disillusionment. Having an 




We spend most of our lives 



looking for love outside 



ourselves, expecting other 



people, circumstances, 



experiences, to give it to 



us. We’re looking for love 



in all the wrong places.







We spend most of our lives looking for love outside 





She wouldn’t kiss me good morning. She wouldn’t 






Disillusionment hit me like a 105-pound French 




woman with a cigarette and an attitude!




Here’s the real gift: She woke me up to how 




conditionally I loved.




The moment she didn’t give me what I wanted, I 




immediately found a way to withdraw my love 




from her.  I’d get upset, complain about her 




behavior, check out emotionally, stop doing things 




for her, even threaten to leave.




I thought she was the nightmare. Turns out, I was!




This experience was a genesis for perhaps my 




biggest life lesson:




The only way to lasting


 fulfillment in relationship


is by offering my love


 freely  without expecting


 anything in return for it.



 





The only way to lasting fulfillment in relationship is




 by offering my love freely without expecting 




anything in return for it.





Which brings me to the Three Stages of Love.




Stage 1 – I need you to love me. In Stage 1, I need the






 Stage 2 – I will love myself. I don’t need you to love




 me. 




Stage 3 – I am love, itself. I have discovered an 




illusion ripped away from us can be profoundly 



liberating. Dorothy had to discover the Wizard of 



Oz was just a conman before she could discover she 



already had the  power to get herself home. 



When it comes to love, disillusionment is essential,




 if also profoundly painful. It’s also inevitable. 




For there’s a core reason why our  relationships 



and  well, our entire lives, really, are so fraught 



with struggle and heartache: 




We’re looking for love in all the wrong places. 



ourselves, expecting other people, circumstances, 




experiences, to give it to us.   




Eventually we realize—



if  we’re lucky—that love from outside sources is 



completely unreliable. Other people inevitably 



disappoint us, let us down, change in ways we 



don’t want them to, or simply leave. Sometimes 



they leave mentally or emotionally even when they 



stay physically. I once married a French woman 



only five weeks after we met. I was fresh out of 



the military and felt completely disconnected from 



my heart. The day we married on a pristine sunset 



beach in South Florida, my heart already knew 



what my head refused to accept: this love adventure



 was going to destroy me. I expected this luscious 



French woman to love me in all the right ways. 



Pretty quickly, though, she  proved she wouldn’t 




love me in any of the ways I really wanted! 




The moment she didn’t give me what I wanted, I 




found a  way to withdraw my love from her. I 



thought she was  the nightmare. Turns out, I was! 



scratch  my back. She wouldn’t let me spoon her at 



night. She  would play with the dogs and not me 



when she came home from work. She wouldn’t even 




make love to me for  most of the 8 months we were 



together; we didn’t even have sex during our epic 



honeymoon adventure in Mallorca, Spain!



 Which stage you live in affects the quality, depth 



and magic of your experiences in life and love.



 outside world to appreciate me, validate me, 



respect  me, love me. To experience love, I need the 



outside world to be a certain way. My parents have 



to approve of me. I need to make this much money. 



My girlfriend has to behave in ways I like. My 



friends have to treat me  a certain way. Oh my, 



what an unstable existence! Love  just evaporates 



the moment the world stops    meeting  our 



conditions! If we can avoid cynicism, 



eventually we simply realize Stage 1 love isn’t 



reliable. It’s completely  ephemeral, and thus not 



consistently fulfilling. 



 Disillusionment sets in. 



Welcome to Stage 2.



I’ll give love to myself. I’ll take myself on dates and 




vacations. I’ll pamper myself with good food and 



clothes  and trips to the spa. In fact, I’ll do 



something awesome  for me everyday. I’ll meditate 



and do yoga, maybe go  find myself in India. I’ll be 



kind to me and say affirmations in the mirror 



about how wonderful, beautiful, brilliant and 



delicious I am! I’ll say to myself, “I love you!” and I 



might even marry myself (self- marriage 



ceremonies are now coming into fashion). 



I’ll develop both my masculine and 



feminine qualities so  that I am a whole, complete 




individual. My life is 



more or less great with or without a partner. Not 



needing a partner feels really empowering to me, 



and safe. Before  long, though, I realize that safety 



becomes stagnant,  maybe even suffocating. 



Although I love myself consistently which feels 



nice, I only give love to others when it’s 



appropriate and feels good, because I know 



they’re responsible for their own self-love, too. I 



may not fully accept another person’s love because 



I know it’s unstable. Something is missing. 



Disillusionment is stirring. 



Welcome to Stage 3.



endless well-spring of love sourced deep within my 



very own heart. I can radiate love into the world 



because I now know I could never possibly run out! 



Effortlessly, I give love to myself and my partner, 



to bored workers at the  DMV, to democrats and 



republicans, to the whole world.




 I still work towards a better world, but no longer 



with anxiety. I have finally learned to love 



everything this crazy life throws at me. I 



instinctively move away from people who want to 



hurt me because I love myself 



deeply. Where I used to leave in anger, now I leave 



in love because I know only people in pain want 



others to hurt, too. Still, I’ll love them from a 



distance. I’m free to live my authentic truth 



everyday. I don’t need validation from outside me. 



Disillusionment is welcome,



 because I know it just points the way towards a 



deeper love within me that doesn’t depend on 



outside conditions. If I have a partner, I love her 



with all of me, always curious to explore how I 



might make her life richer. She’s free to show up 



however she wants, because I simply love doing 


this exquisite dance with her. We’re also both free 



to end this dance whenever we feel that’s our 



deepest truth. 


We let love show the way.

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