Love is When..you empathise!!

Love is When..you empathise!!
Love is When..you empathise, forgive unconditionally!!

Love is..when you make exception!!

Love is..when you make exception!!

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oo..oo

oo..oo

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Love Is When

Love Is When
Love Is When

******To show that love is true, stop talking, start showing and feeling ******

******To show that love is true, stop talking, start showing and feeling ******

Medicine for Humans

Medicine for Humans
Love overdose



Love Lessons



Love Makes it Impossible to Sleep


You Can Be Your Own Worst Enemy

Love Isn't Easy

Lost Love Can Be Haunting

Love Really is All You Need

Being in Love Means You -
Never Fight Alone

You Have To Be Willing To Take a Chance


Love Gone Wrong is a Kind of Prison

A Broken Heart Leaves Scars


Love Never Really Fades


  • 50 First Dates (2004)
  • A Lot Like Love (2005)
  • A Walk to Remember (2002)
  • A Walk to Remember - Nicholas Sparks
  • Across the Universe (2007)
  • America’s Sweethearts (2001)
  • Armageddon (1998)
  • As You Like It - William Shakespeare
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's - Truman Capote
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's - Truman Capote
  • Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)
  • Bridget Jones's Diary (Bridget Jones, #1) - Helen Fielding
  • Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason - Helen Fielding
  • Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)
  • Brokeback Mountain (2005)
  • Casablanca (1943)
  • City of Angels (1998)
  • Cruel Intentions (1999)
  • Dirty Dancing (1987)
  • Emma - Jane Austen
  • Ever After (1998)
  • Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
  • Gone With the Wind (1941)
  • Gone With the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
  • Grease (1978)
  • How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
  • I'm In No Mood For Love I'm In No Mood For Love (Writer Friends, #2) - Rachel Gibson
  • If Only (2004)
  • Just Like Heaven (2005)
  • Love Actually (2003)
  • Love Story (1970)
  • Love Story - Eric Segal
  • Match Me If You Can Match Me If You Can (Chicago Stars, #6) - Susan Elizabeth Phillips
  • Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)
  • Mr. Darcy's Diary - Amanda Grange
  • Never Been Kissed (1999)
  • Notting Hill (1999)
  • P.S. I Love You (2007)
  • Pretty Woman
  • Pride And Prejudice - Jane Austen
  • PS, I Love You - Cecelia Ahern
  • Romeo and Juliet - William Shakespeare
  • Rules of Attraction Rules of Attraction (Perfect Chemistry, #2) - Simone Elkeles
  • Runaway Bride (1999)
  • Sex and the City the Movie (2008)
  • Shakespeare in Love (1999)
  • Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
  • Something’s Gotta Give (2003)
  • Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
  • The Accidental Husband
  • The Notebook
  • The Perfect Man (2004)
  • The Tempest - William Shakespeare
  • The Way We Were
  • The Wedding Date(2005)
  • The Wedding Planner (2001)
  • The Wedding Singer (1998)
  • There’s Something About Mary (1998)
  • Titanic (1997).
  • Truly Madly Yours Truly Madly Yours - Rachel Gibson
  • When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
  • When Harry Met Sally (1989)
  • While You Were Sleeping (1995)
  • Working Girl (1988)
  • You’ve Got Mail (1998)
Friendship personalities of sun signs

We laugh, we cry; we fight and we make-up. We also hold grudges and keep secrets. But then soon enough, we pour our hearts out. We stand by each other in toughest times and on the lowest days. And, yet we make fun of each-other. We are friends!

The cousins we get to choose for ourselves, our alter-egos, our friends play a distinctive role in shaping our choices, preferences and even our personalities. One of the most important influences in our lives, friends are like colours – adding not just beauty and variety to our lives, but also substance and support.

Let's get to know them even better with the Sun Sign-wise guide to friendship personalities -


ARIES
Aries is a fire sign, so independence is a part of its legacy. Happiest when they are in charge of situations, Aries natives have a competitive side that surfaces whenever they are in large groups of people. Their sharp wit and quirky sense of humour ensures that the people of all ages and temperaments connect well with them. Never at a loss for companions, they themselves are extremely selective about their own friend circle. It's definitely going to be a night to remember when friends step out with these fun-loving, flamboyant rock-stars. However, the Aries' need for variety kicks in soon after, and then, the Aries natives are perfectly capable of moving onto a new set of friends, especially if they are bored. Ruled by the First House, the house of Self, Aries tend to put their own needs first, though not intentionally. This should cast no shadow of doubt on their reliability as friends, as they may not share that last piece of chocolate, but they will always be there for their friends, even at 4 am.



TAURUS
There's an inner genuineness to Taurus that shines through, and naturally attracts people to them. They believe that friends are a great source of learning and support, and pride themselves on their stimulating and eternal friendships. They are often the ones with kindergarten friends, who can regale each other with stories from the past, and share an enviable unspoken understanding. They exemplify the phrase 'friends for life', playing varied roles of protector, entertainer, and critic as the need may be. They are steady and devoted, and their friendship is sure to stand the test of time. Without a demur, complaint, or rebuke, they will be there when they are needed, and will expect the same commitment from their friends. They are not big believers in the concept of 'complete space' in relationships, so they want to be involved in everything that matters to their friends. They can be the most wonderful friends if only their feelings are correctly understood. They are sensitive to the slightest snub, and will ably hide their insecurity below a smiling countenance, so friends will need to be careful to not take their undying loyalty for granted.



GEMINI
Gemini is one sign that seems tailor-made for friendship. Immensely popular on the social circuit, they swing between playing the dual roles of entertainers and intellectuals. This explains why they have a diverse set of friends - many groups for their many moods. They have two sides, and their friends need to know them well enough to assess the mood they are in. When they are in the mood for some moments of silence, nothing can lure them to a night around town. Similarly, when they are dressed to kill, they will ensure the night has no end. They love hanging out, and if their friends can tune into their wacky frequencies, they will be entertained to the hilt. With a mercurial temperament, Gemini is instantly attracted to intelligent people, and these relationships have the potential of becoming bonds for a lifetime. They are always open to adventures, so they have a different interesting perspective on most things. They are big on communication and would love spending time with someone they can match wits with. Optimistic and outgoing, they can create extraordinarily positive environments and help people see the brighter side of life.



CANCER
Many adjectives have been used to describe Cancer's sensitivity, but none of them can truly capture the essence of this soft-spoken sign's persona. They are definitely one of the more emotional signs of the zodiac, but that speaks volumes for the genuineness of their affections. They are loyal friends and while they may not express their feelings much, they will stand by their loved ones come what may. Being ruled by the moon necessitates that they are subject to swift mood changes, and they may be found smack in the middle of a boisterous group one moment, while the next moment they will be sitting by the windowsill deeply lost in thought. Nostalgia is a mood-booster for them, and they can often be seen poring over old photo albums, reliving their past. Their aesthetic side takes over when it comes to decorating their houses or setting up a kitchen garden, and they pride themselves on their fine taste. The doors to Cancer's home are always open for friends, especially those who shower them with the love and understanding that Cancer deserves. Their feelings are easily hurt, so close pals may need to treat them with kid gloves until they are completely secure in the relationship.



LEO
If there were a sign of the zodiac that could personify sunshine, Leo would be it. Outspoken and dramatic, they don't believe in beating about the bush, a quality that wins them as many admirers as it does critics. Completely at home in the spotlight, they love soaking up the attention and being surrounded by people. They are immensely supportive friends, always keeping one eye open for opportunities that can help their loved ones excel. Easygoing and quick-witted, they are a treat to hang out with, so it goes without saying that they have a huge social circle. They are generous to a fault, and will happily foot the bill for their friends, as long as they are not taken for granted. Leo is never going to settle for anything less than what they want, be it a dinner date, a designer dress, or a summer vacation. Their friends quickly learn to appreciate their charming and playful nature, and realize that the best way to have a fun time is to go along with the flow. Their competitive side rears its head occasionally when they feel that their friends are stealing their thunder, but they soon regain their sunny disposition and laud their friends for their achievements.



VIRGO
There's a softness to Virgo that reflects on their countenances, and people cannot help trusting these gentle souls. It doesn't hurt that they are always full of relevant advice, and will swear to keep your secrets until their dying day. They are definitely the most helpful friends a person could wish for - the ones who can make a detailed itinerary when you're on vacation, and a shopping list when you're going to the grocery store. They are very particular about details, and love creating order out of chaos. Virgo is the best friend to have in an emergency, as they seldom lose their composure and can think their way out of most situations. Not just that, they will foresee the loopholes in the plans they make, and plug them in advance, so they make for meticulous planners. The downside of these perfectionist buddies is that sometimes they stress so much over the minutest detail, that they can drive their friends up the wall. They are not proponents of PDA; their affections are felt rather than seen, and they may be embarrassed by shows of appreciation.



LIBRA
Punctuality is definitely not a virtue where Libra is concerned. Not that it's their fault; they are merely victims of analysis paralysis. When they do eventually turn up, they will apologize with such grace and genuine regret that their friends will be hard put to stay mad at them. Smooth talkers with a positive take on everything under the sun, they can effortlessly charm their way into any situation. Resourceful and always ready to help, they are your best bet when you need something double-quick. And with the kind of bonds they form, their friends will never refuse them any favours. With their high levels of intellect and awareness, they are great friends to have and provide their friends with constant entertainment. Libra is a people's person, and alone time is totally not on their agenda. This may result in them being demanding of their friends' attention and time, but with the way they pamper their friends, who's going to complain? Swanky hotspots, dream vacations, designer threads, and A-list personalities – all these are an integral part of the Libra friendship plan. Friends swear by their taste in clothes, often hauling them off for shopping sprees.



SCORPIO
There is an aura of mystery that surrounds Scorpio, a quality that greatly intrigues their friends. They may be selective about opening up in matters close to their heart, and tend to hold back until they are sure their friends will not judge them. This also leads to frequent misunderstandings, as friends remain in the dark about the intensity of their feelings. Once friends have proved they are worthy of the Scorpio's affections, they can be assured of a companion for life. They are quite comfortable on their own, so they don't have many close friendships, but are possessive about the few they do. They are loyalty personified and will defend their friends come hell or high water, but they also expect a reciprocal allegiance. Forgive and forget is clearly not their motto and they will make a virtual note of any slight, so friends need to be doubly careful with their words and actions. They are scornful of flattery but have great respect for genuine praise, so when they appreciate something, you can be sure they mean it. With their secretive natures and intense emotions, Scorpio friends are anything but predictable.



SAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius is a sign that is fascinated by the very thought of learning, and any friend who can feed their eternal hunger for knowledge is a friend worth holding on to. Their interactions with their friends provide them with food for thought, and they keep an open mind so they can absorb everything they hear, see, and read. This is also the reason why they have a large and diverse set of friends. With their endless observations on culture and philosophy, Sagittarius can be an extremely interesting companion to have along on a journey. They get a high out of adventures so if you're game, they will take you on the ride of your life. Entertainment will be on the house when they are around, and friends will spend many side-splitting moments with these natural madcaps, even if the laughter is at their expense. Their love for the unique ensures they try out loads of hobbies and adventure sports, and needless to say, they will make friends there too. Friends can rely on Sagittarius blindly; they never hold a grudge, or tomtom a favour, and will be there for their friends when they need them irrespective of time or distance.



CAPRICORN
Capricorn is hardly the type to waste time on frivolities, as they are extremely clear of what they want and where they want to be. Often, they are so caught up in getting to their goals that they may come across as snooty, but this could not be further from the truth. Resourceful and capable, they will spare no expense when their friends need something. Their practical instincts kick in when they are asked for advice, and they can sit up all night with their friends to help them put their lives in order. They are not really the risk takers of the zodiac, and would happily trade an adventurous option for a tried and tested one. Although they are loners by nature, they manage to rustle up quite a few close relationships. Traditional and responsible, they have a very strong sense of the role they play in society, and are extremely dependable. Never one to wear emotions on the sleeve, Capricorn is a loyal friend and partner, and never goes back on a promise. They also have great respect for people who have come up the hard way, and are dedicated to their professions. With a fine sense of humour and their typical deadpan expressions, they manage to get away with biting sarcasm.



AQUARIUS
If you judge Aquarius by the number of friends they have, you would assume they are the most easygoing people to be with. This assumption is not far off the mark, but it is certainly circumstantial. In reality, they keep their cards extremely close to their chest, and it is very few people who have the privilege of sharing their secrets. They may be generous and caring individuals, who can go out of their way to help even strangers, but they can distance themselves from their loved ones in a flash. For someone with so many friends, Aquarius is strangely not desirous of being in the limelight. They would happily work behind the scenes when they see someone in need, and are embarrassed by demonstrations of gratitude. They love surprising their friends with little treats and expect nothing in return. The only prerequisite is that they should be the ones making the decisions, be it the cuisine for a night out, the colour of a shirt, or a weekend destination. Friends can safely assume they are headed for a good time, because Aquarius is blessed with impeccable taste and an eye for beauty. All will be well in paradise as long as their friends don't cling too tight or try to dispute their decisions; any restrictions or dissent will instantly get their hackles up.



PISCES
There's a whole new world that Pisces inhabits, and they often scuttle off there to sort out their thoughts. Caring and sensitive, they are the best people to turn to when you want to vent your frustrations or get advice on a new relationship. There isn't an iota of superficiality to the Pisces concern; they truly want to understand what you're feeling so that they can make you feel better with the appropriate response. Armed with hypersensitive intuition and a knack of knowing just what to say, they can be the best buddies ever. They will never complain when they are flooded with sob stories, and will patiently hear out every one, often offering pertinent advice. They expect their friends to tell them their troubles because they are extremely open with their emotions themselves. Their vulnerability may be their Achilles Heel however, as this opens them up to being manipulated or getting hurt. They are not superhuman after all; they have insecurities too, and need as much reassurance as anyone else. Once left to their own devices, they can surprise friends with their creative ideas, and make them see a dream world that takes their minds off their worries.


How your sun sign affects the way you fall in love.

Aries dives in with a thunderbolt of passion, and they won’t be slowed down for an instant. They’ll jump in with both feet, declare their undying love and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully they’ll have picked a lover who likes being swept off their feet!

Taurus never moves fast. These folks like to take their time, so their neon-lit moment may take a while to catch fire. But once they’ve decided, they won’t be put off by any resistance or coyness from the apple of their eye -- they’ll stick around until they get what they want.

Gemini often hears bells and whistles, but they’re familiar with their own fickleness and may hold back until they’re sure it’s not just another passing whim. In the interim, they’ll chat so entertainingly that their potential lover will become smitten before long.

Cancer is definitely driven by their feelings ... but they’re also highly self-protective. They’ll approach their beloved cautiously and in the best crab-like fashion: sideways! This means that they’ll test the waters by introducing their new love interest to their family for approval before declaring their singular devotion.

Leo wears their heart on their sleeve. They certainly don’t like being rebuffed, but amid all their enthusiasm, they probably won’t consider that a possibility! They’ll shower their newfound love with compliments, expensive dinners and objets d’amour -- and expect a commitment within the week.

Virgo doesn’t go in for impulse decisions when it comes to love; rather, they’ll review their prospect with a somewhat detached eye as they try to spot any flaws. They’ll then likely persuade themselves that imperfections are a part of life and need to be accepted. And if the physical attraction is strong enough at the start, they’ll surely tumble head over heels.

Libra is known for their cool demeanor and indecisiveness, so they can often talk themselves out of love. They’ll weigh the pluses and minuses and think through all possible options -- and if their choice is still there after all this careful consideration, they might just allow themselves to fall hard.

Despite being a fixed sign, Scorpio can instantly go off the deep end when it comes to love. They’re quite intuitive and are rarely wrong about a prospective partner’s reactions. Conversely, they’re also very self-protective and insist on receiving positive feedback before laying their heart on the line.

Sagittarius is fiery to the point of recklessness, and rarely hesitates right out of the gate in a new relationship. In fact, it seems as if they have a guardian angel on their shoulder to make love happen the way they want. The Archer is also remarkably resilient, and always remembers that if this one doesn’t work out, the next one will.

Capricorn can be surprisingly sensual, but they’re also socially ambitious. Because of this, they may experience inner conflict about whether the object of their desire will be right for their lifestyle -- now and in the future. They’re not known to move quickly, and will instead give the relationship time to develop naturally.

Intimacy makes Aquarius nervous, so the prospect of a lifelong mate is daunting. The first thing they’ll probably do is introduce their new love interest to their social circle to see how they fit in; they’ll also flaunt their independence to see whether possessiveness will be an issue. Only then will they allow the relationship to grow -- and even then, gradually.

Pisces will know immediately when their dream of romance is standing right in front of them. But being forthcoming is not a Piscean strength, so like a true Water sign, they’ll do all they can to protect their insecurities. They’ll dance around and be elusive, and only when they feel secure will they make their feelings known.

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Attract true love your way

1: Envision the relationship you want to be in:

“Until you are able to see yourself living the life that you truly want, it will be difficult for you to create it.” “The One” offers a number of concrete exercises — such as creating a collage of lifelong dreams and writing the story of one’s life as if it were a fairy tale that ends with all of your wishes fulfilled — that helps the reader identify his or her personal vision of a truly satisfying relationship. “It was fun to imagine the ideal life that I wanted for myself,” Carly C. says. “I enjoyed thinking about my ‘dream’ soul mate, and then relaxing and letting it go rather than struggling and feeling anxious about whether he would ever enter my life.”

2: Release any toxic ties and let go of the past:

Relationships we form “have the capacity to nurture and inspire our growth” or to “block the experience and expression of love in our lives.” Identify “toxic ties” as attachments “that cause us to lose personal power.” These attachments can include prior romantic partners, friends or relatives, and when we don’t release these “toxic ties,” they can prevent us from moving forward with our love lives and keep us from attracting a partner who nurtures and supports us. When you “Practice” “Releasing Toxic Ties,” journal about questions they may have regarding this issue, including:

  • What relationship(s), if any, do I suspect may qualify as a ‘toxic tie’ for me?
  • What fears are dominating me in this relationship?
  • What boundaries could I set that would increase the health and wellness in this relationship?

3: Set an intention for your life:

We can create a “climate in which love can ‘miraculously manifest’” by following the first three steps for setting an intention:

  1. “The first step: to have a thought and/or belief in a particular possibility.”
  2. “The second step: to speak your intention out loud.”
  3. “The third step: to take actions that support the manifestation of your intention, and abstain from those that sabotage it.”
“In other words, I believe that finding love is possible for me, and I tell those people who are capable of seeing that possibility as well (and probably even those I’m dating) that I’m committed to finding ‘The One.’ Then I do that which is consistent with that intention as well as refraining from that which is not.” The fourth step of setting an intention is letting go of the results once you’ve done the work outlined in the first three steps. In other words, now it’s time to relax and let life happen to you.

4: Write a love letter to yourself:

Imagine that you are your ideal partner and put aside a quiet half hour to write a love letter addressed to yourself. What would your partner love and notice about you? How would that person express his or her caring for you? Expect to feel resistance toward completing this exercise, but push through and see what you might learn about yourself from your letter and what your ideal relationship and partner would look like.

It is very rewarding and very eye-opening. It is all about you being ready; it’s about being in the right head space, rather than just the number of people you meet.”

5: Make a welcoming space for love in your life:

Take up a challenge to go through their homes and evaluate whether they’re welcoming environments or not. “Make a list of at least five things you can alter in your home to create a more welcoming environment for an intimate partner,”

“Add to that one or two things you do to alter your schedule so that there is some breathing room in your life to explore new relationships.”




Signs you are in
Love

Love. We all have been in love at least
once in our lives. And we all know that it does something to us.
Our body
language changes, we feel happier than usual, the world does not feel like a
hell hole anymore, and we find ourselves smiling randomly at odd hours at random
people. Love can do wonderful things to you and some of the obvious signs of
being in love are listed below.
1. She is ALWAYS on your mind
No matter
what you do or where you are, that one person will always be on your mind. It is
like they have hijacked your mind space and continue to dominate the area week
after week. In the beginning you might take this to be an obsession or even
infatuation, but if the dominance persists for a prolonged period, you can be
sure you are in love.
2. Ms. Perfect
Ever feel that she cannot do anything
wrong? That she is the one person who wouldn’t as much as hurt a fly and is
incapable of causing grief and harm to anyone on this planet? Ever find
yourself thinking that she is the best blend of talent and beauty, of compassion
and passion? If the answers to all the above is yes, you are in love!
3. Your
playlist = romantic songs
Our playlist suggests a lot about our personality.
It does not simply mirror our taste in music, but it reflects our current state
of mind as well. So if your playlist is full of love songs, then it is one major
sign of you being in love.
4. You want to spend ALL your time with her
If
you are going through a phase of wanting to meet and spend time with only one
person, then you are bitten by the love bug. People in love often don’t
feel like meeting friends/family. They simply want to spend all their time with
the person they love. If you are going through something similar, it does not
mean you are some crazy obsessive person, but it means that you want to get to
know her better and be around her all the time. So if you find yourself making
plans with her and only her every weekend, then you are in love.
5. You’re
willing to better yourself for her
For very few people in this world we are
willing to change or better ourselves. The obvious entries in this list of
people are close family members and a friend or two. If you find a girl (who is
not just your best friend) in this list then you know you are in love. If you
want to better yourself, be the best human you can possibly be for one girl then
you are definitely in love with her.


There is a difference between a "Nice Guy" and a "Good Man," as was recently brought to my attention. In a previous blog, I tried to pinpoint the characteristics of a "Nice Guy" (since I've been successful at bypassing him in life thus far), but a "Good Man" goes above and beyond our general idea of Mr. Nice Guy. His chivalry and actions, rather than words (or promises), define him as a quality human being. He's like the Platinum Card of men created in this world, and I would love to get an upgrade from my poor credit history.

So, here is my updated version of the ideal man (although, even a "nice guy" would be an upgrade from the emotionally unavailable men I keep getting issued with):

A Good man:

  • sends you warm wishes, kind words, and his best intentions because he truly cares for you. Or, he'll "say it like it is," because he cares about you.
  • takes care of his family because it's the honorable thing to do. He is a good father and provider. If he has to earn money collecting recyclables by digging in trash cans, he will. He will roll up his sleeves and shovel manure to be able to put food on the table.
  • makes you feel loved. His actions speak louder than words.
  • would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, or let you ride on his back as he takes you over the hurdles.
  • would give his life for the security of his family, or even his country. He gets upset when a soldier is discriminated against because of his sexual orientation. He makes an effort to teach his children about tolerance and compassion-- that we are all just people in this world.
  • doesn't need to sleep with hundreds of women to feel like a man. He has perfected the skills of pleasing the one woman he makes a connection with, and can turn away countless others who vie for the spot.
  • will take the high road, but would become the Tasmanian Devil to protect those he loves. He is the tamed lion you can lean on, but isn't ashamed to put on an apron to cook a feast.
  • does what is right, even if it's the hardest choice.

I want to dedicate this to a good man who, with a few short messages, breathed life back into my sails. With his warmth and compassion, he showed me that I don't miss being with someone so much as I long for the feeling of being thought of, cared about, and appreciated, most of all. The cinders are still smoldering in my heart, and I now know that I should never give up hope. Love is the most precious gift of this life. The fire in my heart will burn again. Thanks to all the good men out there who make a woman feel like a lady.

To all the other hopeful romantics: don't ever give up hope. As long as you're still breathing, life is forever changing before your eyes. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. And someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.
Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, this third act twist: the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule.
But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending, we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.
And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. Maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.
Or maybe the happy ending is this: Knowing that all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never, ever, gave up hope.

If you're the gal who doesn't need anything (or acts like she doesn't), the kind of guy you want will NOT pick …

Needy women attract good men.

"Low-maintenance" women attract jerks…or no men at all. Is this counter to what you've always thought?
Did you think that the less you expected from a man, the more he'd like you?

Well, consider this: A Good Man - one who is confident, mature and relationship-minded - wants to give to a woman and make her happy. He needs to know that you need him and that he's enhancing your already-great life.
A good man also wants to know that you respect and love yourself. He does not want to be completely responsible for your happiness. (That's why I said he wants to "enhance" your life, not "be" your life.)

Now, say you're the gal who doesn't need anything (or at least doesn't act like you do). Mr. Good Man will NOT pick you as a partner. He may sleep with you…but he won't marry you. If you don't leave room for him to be your hero, and you don't show that you know you're worthy of him, he will leave before you can say "Why didn't he call?"

On the other hand, let's say that you graciously receive his compliments and show enthusiastic appreciation for the big and little things he does for you. Maybe you occasionally ask for his advice and let him open the pickle jar. You also make and keep boundaries, expect him to keep his word, and expect to be treated special. That, along with your kindness to him, tells Mr. Good Man that you're relationship material.

You're able to welcome him into your life, and you're confident in who you are, what you want, and how to get it. Isn't it funny? All this time we thought being low maintenance got the guy. Actually, that was in high school.

Now, as a grownup woman looking to share her life with a grownup man, not expecting anything only gets the guy who doesn't want to give you anything. So here's some homework to help you decide where you stand with this.

Look back on previous relationships (short or long) and answer these questions: Were there any good guys who might have gotten away because you acted like you didn't need him and/or didn't seem to have any expectations of him?

~Are the men you're attracting the Good Guys? Are they givers or are they takers? ~Do you know your boundaries, and do you stick to them?

~How well do you show him that you respect yourself? If a cute guy asks you out for Friday night on Friday morning, do you accept?

When he doesn't call or shows up late, do you tell him it's okay because you don't want to scare him away? (I think he gets one free pass on these, btw.) When he's telling you he's too busy to see you week after week, are you still hanging on?

~And…how is this working for you?

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Formula for Staying Together

Confirm your compatibility, then avoid the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. 

 




















Divorce has always scared me. Perhaps it started by witnessing my mom’s grief  and the deep scars that remained from her parents’ divorce. Her desire to stay in contact with her father was taken as an act of defiance and disloyalty by her mother and she was essentially cut off from her and her four siblings. (Today people are far more aware about not doing do this to a child.) In the end, she ended up marrying very young and remained married until her death. She taught me divorce was not an option. So, when I divorced, twice, I felt the pain of shame and have sought to nurse my wounds by investigating why some relationships last a lifetime while others break apart. I am not alone in this endeavor—we have a treasure trove of research illuminating the hallmarks of healthy- and enduring—relationships.

 

One of my favorite researchers, Dr. John Gottman, has spent decades delivering empirical data that provide mathematical formulas of what works—and what doesn’t. When I first learned he could predict divorce with 94 percent accuracy, I was skeptical and intrigued. Did he have some deep psychoanalytic assessment that the rest of su couldn't understand, or a convoluted, culturally-biased point of view? No. His results are so simple that they seem like down-home common sense. I’m sure my great-grandma shared such wisdom with me at the kitchen table. She just didn’t have the statistical analysis to back her up.

Here's Gottman's formula—1:5.

It means that for every negative interaction a couple has (eye roll, dismissive body language, actual negative utterance, etc.), there needs to be at least five positive interactions (a kiss, a genuine loving look, genuinely positive comments).

Note the word genuine was repeated twice above. While a popular dictum in cognitive behavioral therapy says to "fake it until you make it," our nonverbal cues often betray how we really feel. If you’re saying flattering words and doing a lot of nice things but don’t really feel it or believe it, chances are you're piling up a lot of negative nonverbal interactions. One fake nice thing you do can be coupled with a dozen negative nonverbal truths.

This is a huge takeaway. How many of us bemoan at the end of a relationship, “I tried so hard"? Was it genuine or was it based on some mixture of fear, guilt, trying to fit in, obeying authority, possessiveness, control, security, or sex? Just something to consider and while you’re pondering that, here are a few of the dangerous interactions Gottman warns present the harbinger of break-ups. Other supporting research reveals the following combative characteristics are toxic for our health and can lead to increases in heart disease, cancers, and other deadly illnesses. They are so corrosive that Gottman refers to them as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” 

These four deadly interactions in relationships are like concentrated negatives with each one making up an even more lethal explosion. 

  1. Criticism. Yup, that’s bad. Ladies, when we try to help our partner dress better, offer it as a suggestion—not a criticism. And in order to not betray how you really feel about their outfit or manners in public, there’s probably some lesson in here about accepting them as they are and not worrying what other’s think. Unfortunately, I’ve been guilty of this one—and from the very beginning of a relationship. Yikes. However, criticism can get uglier than commenting about a mismatched outfit and public belching. It can get mean. When vicious enough it grows into the next stage of disaster. 

  2. Contempt. In a fight, disgust and contemptuous remarks hurt. They are more than words and they not only destroy relationships, they tear apart the surrounding family members and everyone’s health. Oftentimes, contempt comes in when a couple is having the same old fight. It is so chronic that a script could be written. The trigger may differ but the battle remains the same. Underneath the battle lies a fundamental difference in personalities or some unmet basic needs, which leads us to the next reaction.

  3. Defensiveness. I’m not getting what I really want or need out of this relationship and I no longer feel safe, loved and secure, so I am already planning my response to you before you even say or do anything. Interestingly, research shows that men rehearse distress-maintaining thoughts more than women. Such situations lead to the worst of all interactions that literally scorch love like an untended plant in the middle of a Texas summer drought.

  4. Stonewalling. The couple is fighting and one walks away. A bit of a time-out is okay, but if there is no repair and each person refuses to fully listen to the other person’s feelings and perspective, a literal wall is built. Soon the couple is disengaged and grown so far apart that they cannot connect at all.

How can all of this apply to your relationship? Well, we know that we need five positive interactions to every one negative. We also know that we can’t fake positive interactions because our truth will be revealed by our body language and nonverbal cues and when we do fight, we will probably go to the extreme and produce a few (or all) of the communication bombs just listed. Here are some solutions I see.

Know Thyself

Before you can truly relate to another partner, try getting to know yourself and your beliefs and basic needs. Sometimes focusing on you can alleviate the demands placed on your partner. You discover that you can fill the unmet needs yourself and with family, friends, activities, and Spiritual growth. Other times, learning about you and your values reveals a fundamental difference with your partner.

Check Compatibility

Too often we fall in a relationship and hold on for far too long. A major sign of incompatibility is an addictive relationship, where there are a cluster of really good things that each person clings to in spite of chronic conflict and the break-up and get back together cycle. Sometimes when such a relationship is not working, the couple goes deeper in denial of their incompatibility and fight it by delving into their relationship even more—via moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, having a baby, building a house, moving and starting over, etc. Other incompatible couples are tolerably comfortable with each other, afraid of being alone and/or afraid of losing security, so they hold on like lifeless statues.

Signs of Compatibility

  • Mutual trust.

  • Allowing each person’s point of view to be heard and considered (mutual influence).

  • Respect for each other’s growth, differences, and boundaries.

  • Happy time together and individually.

  • Emotional connection.

  • Genuine happiness together.

  • Five or more positives to one negative. (Even better: 25:1.)

  • Spiritual connection and respect for each other’s beliefs.

  • Meaningful relationship.

  • Truly understanding each other and how each other thinks and feels.

  • Fighting fair and having similar fighting and repairing s
    tyles.

  • Willingness to learn from each other.

  • Compatible values and goals in life.

  • That magical ingredient called chemistry.

  • Commitment.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Say Anything...

Say Anything... is a 1989 American romantic comedy-drama film written and directed by Camreon Crowe.

 

 Set in Seattle, Washington, the film features Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), an average student and aspiring kickboxer,who attempts a relationship with the lovely valedictorian Diane Court (Ione Skye)immediately after their graduation from the same high school. Diane has just won a major fellowship to study in England, and will be going there at the end of the summer. Highly intelligent yet socially inexperienced, Diane is intrigued by Lloyd's endearing manner and willingness to take a chance on someone like her. She agrees to Lloyd's request for a date, and the two of them begin seeing each other regularly.

Lloyd seeks advice and counsel from his sister and several close female friends who are genuinely looking out for Lloyd's best interests as he embarks on his first serious romantic relationship. Diane's father, Jim (John Mahoney),is under investigation by the Internal Revenue Service for alleged tax violations committed at the nursing home he owns; and, as her relationship with Lloyd deepens, Diane worries that she should be spending more time with her father, rather than with Lloyd. Also, Jim does not approve of his daughter's dating an underachiever, and pressures her to break up with him.

Lloyd ultimately wins Diane's heart before the summer's end, and supports her emotionally after her father's conviction and incarceration. The film ends with Lloyd escorting the aviophobic Diane on her flight to England.

The Sure Thing

The Sure Thing is a 1985 romantic comedy directed by 

Rob Reiner,written by Steven L. Bloom and  Jonathan 

Roberts and starring John Cusak, Daohne Zuniga, Viveca

 Lindfors, and Nicollette Sheridan. The film chronicles 

the cross-country journey of college students Walter 

Gibson (Cusack) and Alison Bradbury (Zuniga) as they 

make their way from New England to Los Angeles, each 

in an effort to meet their ideal match.

The origins of the film came from an experience writer 

Steven L. Bloom had while attending Brown University.

 During this time, his best friend was attending Emory

 University in the south and was constantly recounting 

the good times he was having while absolutely nothing 

was going on for Bloom. Out of pity over his situation 

his friend arranged for him to meet a sure thing over 

spring break, so Bloom found a ride through a ride board

 and drove to Atlanta with a number of other kids.

 

 High school senior Walter Gibson (John Cusack) and his

 best friend Lancen (Anthony Edwards) are celebrating

 the fact they are moving on to college, but all Gibson

 can do is lament the fact that he has lost his touch with

 women. Lance heads to UCLA while Gibson moves on to

 college in New England. The two keep in touch by 

writing letters, but Gibson’s luck has not changed. His 

attempt to get close to Alison Bradbury (Daphne Zuniga)

 from his English class by tricking her into tutoring him 

only results in his angering and alienating her. 

Eventually he receives a phone call from Lance telling 

him to come to California for Chrisymas break because

 he has set him up with the beautiful girl (Nicollette 

Sheridan), assuring him she is a Sure Thing.

Gibson finds a ride from a ride share board to make the

 trip. He immediately knows it is going to be a long trip

 when he meets Gary Cooper (Tim Robbins) and Mary Ann

 Webster (Lisa Jane Persky), the couple providing the

 ride, as they are overly extroverted and upbeat. Things

 go from bad to worse when he realizes he will be sitting

 next to Alison as she heads to UCLA to visit her 

boyfriend Jason (Boyd Gaines). The tension and constant

 bickering between Gibson and Alison quickly become too

 much for Cooper, and he abandons them on the side of

 the road in the middle of nowhere. As they hitch to 

California, they overcome issues with transportation,

 weather, lack of food, lack of money, and sleeping 

arrangements, while at the same time developing 

genuine feelings for one another. Upon arriving in

 California, Alison discovers the real reason Gibson is

 making the trip is to meet his Sure Thing and angrily 

runs off.

That night at a college mixer Lance has arranged for 

Gibson to meet his Sure Thing. Meanwhile, Alison is

 spending a boring night with Jason when she drags him

 to the same mixer for some fun. Alison and Gibson see 

 each other at the party, but jealousy leads to a 

confrontation between the two. Gibson takes the Sure 

Thing to Lance's room, but cannot stop thinking about 

Alison.

Back on campus after the break, Alison and Gibson are 

obviously uncomfortable around each other. In their

 English class, Professor Taub (Viveca Lindfors) reads an

 essay composed by Gibson as a writing assignment,

 which is a description of his night with the Sure Thing.

 The girl in the essay asks the protagonist if he loves her,

 but for the first time he realizes that those are not just

 words and he cannot sleep with her. Alison realizes what

 actually happened that night, and they kiss. 

 

Home for the Holidays

Home for the Holidays is a 1995 comedy-drama film directed by 

 Jodie Fosterand produced by Peggy Rajski and Foster. The 

 screenplay was by W.D. Richter based on the short story by Chris

  Radant.

 

 

 


 Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr.

 

 

 

 

Claudia Larson is a single mom who has just been

 fired from her job as an art restorer due to budget 

cuts. She flies to spend Thanksgiving at the home of 

her parents, Adele and Henry Larson, while her only 

child Kitt decides to stay home and spend the holiday 

with her boyfriend. Kitt informs Claudia that she 

intends to have sex with her boyfriend for the first 

time.

The family gathering also includes Claudia's 

resentful, conservative sister, Joanne Larson 

Wedman, her stuffy banker brother-in-law Walter and 

their two spoiled children. Also there is Claudia's gay

  brother Tommy and his new friend Leo Fish, along

 with their eccentric Aunt Glady.

Tommy has been in a long term relationship with

 another man, Jack, so Claudia can't understand what 

he is doing here with a new guy by his side. But it 

turns out Leo has come along for the holidays to be 

introduced to Claudia. Tommy, it turns out, married 

Jack. After a hectic, argument-filled Thanksgiving, 

when Claudia boards a plane home, Leo goes with 

her.

 Jack and Sarah

Jack and Sarah is a 1995 British romantic comedy film written 

and directed by Tim Sullivan

Jack and sarah.jpeg 

1994, JACK AND SARAH: (Top) Jack (RICHARD E. GRANT) shares a bath with daughter Sarah in the Gramercy Pictures release Jack and Sarah, a Tim Sullivan film.  (Bottom) (Left to right) Grandmothers Margaret (JUDI DENCH) and Phil (EILEEN ATKINS) are somewhat anxious of the child-rearing skills of nanny/cook/valet William (IAN MCKELLEN) in the Tim Sullivan film Jack and Sarah, a Gramercy Pictures Release

 

 

 

 

Jack (Richard E. Grant) and Sarah (Imogen Stubbs) are expecting a baby together, but a complication during the birth leads to the death of Sarah. Jack, grief-stricken, goes on an alcoholic bender, leaving his daughter to be taken care of by his parents and Sarah's mother, until they decide to take drastic action: they return the baby to Jack whilst he is asleep, leaving him to take care of it. Although he struggles initially, he eventually begins to dote on the child and names her Sarah.

Despite this, he nevertheless finds it increasingly difficult to juggle bringing up the baby with his high-powered job, and though both sets of the child's grandparents lend a hand (along with William (Ian McKllen), a dried out ex-alcoholic who, once sober, proves to be a remarkably efficient babysitter and housekeeper), he needs more help. Amy (Samantha Mathis), an American waitress he meets in a restaurant who takes a shine to Sarah, takes up the role as nanny, moving in with Jack after one meeting.

Although clashing with William and the grandparents, especially Jack's mother, Margaret (Judith Dench), Jack and Amy gradually grow closer—but Jack's boss has also taken an interest in him.

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