Ways To Attract New Love And Have The 

Best Holiday EVER

It's the perfect time of year to warm up to someone new 

in your life.

The holidays are a great time for dating. Our hearts are 

vulnerable and those twangs of nostalgia tug at each of 

 us, reminding us of our innate need to connect with our

 fellow man.

Here's how to take advantage of the sappy season 

ahead of us:

 

1. Sprinkle in some proactive love energy.

'Tis the season for giving, yes? Do something this year

 that you've never done, or that has hit the back burner

 for years. Pick up one manageable box of holiday cards

 and send one out to the people in your life who matter 

most to you. Say thank you for the contribution this 

person has made you, as if it's this person's last holiday

 season on the planet.

2. Plan a plus-one party.

Don't plan it for December, but for mid-January; break

 up the mid-winter humdrums when more folks will be

 available to attend. It could be a fancy event, but some 

of the best parties are simple happy-hour gatherings at 

pool halls, bowling alleys or a dart throwing contest at 

a local dive bar.

The trick? Each person's ticket for admission is to bring 

a fun, opposite sex friend ... someone you don't yet 

know. You, as the organizer make damn sure you get 

each person's name, email address and phone number,

 which is oh-so-valuable for relationship building for 

whom? Yes, for you; your just reward for organizing the

 event.

And of course, then you get to follow up with each 

person who attends, developing new friendships and 

prospective amorous opportunities.

3. Be the harmonizer at each of the holiday gatherings 

you attend.

There's always a drunk uncle, a grumpy teenager or a 

catty co-worker to deal with. You can count on it, so 

plan for it. Take a few moments before walking in the 

door to ground and center yourself, remember who you 

are, and to call forth your best self.

In true Harry Potter style, throw on an imaginary cloak 

that will shield you from negativity, hostility, 

animosity, mean-spiritedness, or just low-level and 

unconscious energy in the room. There will be bad 

situations present—as every family, organization and 

community has its "stuff"—so be prepared 

psychologically and emotionally, and do all you can to 

not make a bad situation worse.

Let the little comments go, and resist the temptation to 

throw gasoline on any kindling fires. Watch for those 

hot spots, avoid them when you can, and if you do find 

yourself in the midst of a firestorm, resist the 

temptation to engage, and be the calming influence 

instead.

4. Don't drink.

Can you do this? If you're the one who always heads 

straight to the bar, try being the person who doesn't. 

Imagine that. Go for a cranberry juice and a splash of 

soda (a lime helps), and see what it's like to have your 

attention focused outward on other people, making sure 

they are having a great time. This alone can change 

everything for you.

5. Look for opportunities and watch for surprises.

Each day of this holiday season, make it your mission to 

brighten the life of those you cross paths with each day. 

This includes the folks behind the wheels of the cars on 

your way to work during the morning commute. There's 

a real, live being in that car whose heart aches over 

something.

Look for those little opportunities to generate a smile 

on the face of a total stranger. Pick up the phone to call 

your mom, your sister, or that cousin you haven't talked 

to in years. Calling forth these actions will put karmic 

wheels in motion for you, and you will see lovely 

surprises coming back your way. I promise!

Ways to Improve your Luck

 

 

 

Feeling a little unlucky lately? Want the secret to being lucky?

 

 You have it already – it’s you. The secret to improving luck is 

 

about perspective, self-belief and erring on the side of optimism.

 

 It isn’t about winning huge pots of cash – it’s about making the 

 

most of the wonderful blessings already surrounding you. Here 

 

are some thoughts for making your own luck grow.

 

1.  Prepare. “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity,” said 

 

Seneca, Roman dramatist, philosopher and politician, 5 BC – 65 

 

AD. If you have the groundwork in place you can take advantage 

 

of the opportunities that come your way. Be proactive.

 

2.  Network. Lucky people know people. They don’t have to be 

 

everyone’s bosom buddy but it is the art of being open to many 

 

new people that counts. Practice feeling comfortable talking to 

 

strangers when you are out and about. Actively listen to them 

 

when you strike up a conversation because you can often learn a

 

 lot and they will remember that you appreciated what they had 

 

to say. This can translate into opportunities; the more people you 

 

meet and the more people you display genuine interest in, the 

 

more your likelihood of meeting the right people at the right 

 

times.

 

3.  Trust your instincts. That little inner voice is often right and 

 

lucky people know this. You will also know when your “common 

 

sense” or “reason” are trying to override the lucky hunch. When 

 

this happens, take a moment aside to sit and think things through 

 

clearly and uninterrupted. Consider whose voices are speaking to 

 

you when you are faced with overriding intuition – is it your own

 

 trustworthy voice or is it the voices of others’ expectations – a 

 

spouse, a boss, a friend?

 

4.  Take it easy. Anxiety and worry are enemies of luck. They 

 

introduce a factor that says “Be very risk averse” and “Whoa 

 

there! Hold back now!” You won’t be stumbling across luck 

 

while you are too busy hiding out. When opportunities come, you 

 

need to notice them and you need to seize them. A lucky 

 

 person believes in now as being as important as tomorrow and 

 

much more so than yesterday. Don’t be held back by ghosts of 

 

failure – they were just learning experiences. Tomorrow will 

 

always come whatever happens, so do your best to enjoy today so

 

 that tomorrow has a standard to match!

 

5.  Be ready for new opportunities. The more open you are to 

 

novel ideas and new ways of doing things, the more likely it is 

 

that you will strike it lucky. Lucky people don’t plod along 

 

methodically; while that guarantees a safe and secure path, 

 

lucky  people take the path less known and meet all sorts of 

 

amazing opportunities along the way. Put your foot on that path

 

 now… try something you have never done before, try something 

 

you have convinced yourself you would hate, try something that

 

 someone else has suggested you try. Be bold.

 

6.  Be an eternal optimist. Expect the best. Yes, anyone can do 

 

this and why not? This is all about being positive and creating 

 

the  outcomes that you want most. Lucky people are optimistic 

 

and they expect that good things will happen to them. Heard 

 

the mantra “only good things happen to me?” Well, probably not,

 

 as most of us tend to whine “why do all the bad things happen to 

 

me?!” Stop that right now and start expecting the best. Instead of

 

 choosing to wallow and feel rotten about things that go wrong, 

 

look for life’s lessons in the experience and look for new 

 

solutions that grow out of the bad experience. Dwelling on 

 

horrible events in your life gives them great power over you,

 

 stifling your growth and stomping on your luck. When you view

 

 the world in this manner, even if Lady Luck does call, you’re 

 

likely to sabotage it because that suits your negative mindset.

 

7.  Never stop learning. This is related to staying open to new 

 

opportunities. Unlucky people think their learning stopped at 

 

school or university. Lucky people realize that that was just the 

 

beginning and that life is one huge university. Soak it all up; even

 

 the stuff you find hard, boring, or uncomfortable. It really 

 

makes your life a whole lot more exciting and helps you to 

 

understand where others are coming from. Aiming to understand

 

 a wide range of perspectives makes it easier for you to forgive 

 

people and to see their points of view. Knowing this enables you

 

 to weave others’ motivations into how you approach life and 

 

treat them with respect.

Love need not speak volumes. It need not demand proof. It never has a happy ending - simply because it never ends as long as love is pure and true. 

'My girlfriend has slept with more 

people than me. I feel misled'

 

A man feels uncomfortable in his relationship

 since finding out his girlfriend has previously slept with more people than

him. Dr Petra Boynton, the Telegraph's sex and relationship agony aunt, 

advises he takes a closer look at his own issues 

 

’ve been with my girlfriend nearly six months. Early on in our relationship 

she said she’d had a few partners before me. I’ve recently discovered 

she’s slept with more people than I have. I feel like she misled me and I’m 

upset. I am also worried she will have had better experiences in the past. 

We had a big row about this and she’s warned me if I mention it again she

will end things. I can’t stop thinking about it though.

Asking about your partner’s sexual history, and disclosing your own, has 

long been recommended within a sexual health context. It’s assumed 

knowing about who your partner has been intimate with can help you 

make decisions about safer sex or perhaps the need for testing for 

sexually transmitted infections. It is important if you need to talk about 

your HIV status. And be relevant if either of you have a recent or historical

 experience of sexual or physical abuse that might impact on your current 

relationship.

This is all well intentioned but as you’ve found, asking about someone’s 

relationship past can leave you feeling anxious or inadequate and cause 

problems within a relationship when asking doesn’t always bring you the 

answer you wanted to hear.

Unfortunately in these situations the person who is deemed to have had

 ‘too many’ partners tends to be viewed as being at fault. A more

assertive way to view this is their past is their business. It is unfair to 

judge someone for enjoying relationships with other people before you.

 Even if they are unhappy about past relationships if these are now over

 their current situation is more important and they probably want to focus 

on that.

Rather than seeing what she has done as a problem it may help you to 

unpack why it is troubling you so much. Do any of the following apply? 

 

- Worries about your genital size and shape, and/or concerns over

 psychosexual problems 

- A lack of sexual confidence or worries about technique or turning your 

partner on

- General anxiety or fears about relationships due to being cheated on in 

the past

- Struggling with attachment due to neglect or abuse in 

childhood/adolescence

- Problems around confidence and communication

- Being raised to believe either women should have fewer sexual 

partners than men or that having a sexual past is wrong, bad or a form of 

infidelity

- Problems with jealousy or seeking to control a partner

You may find writing about how you feel helps pinpoint specific worries 

from which you can think about how to help yourself (using the links 

above). Or seek additional support from friends or family, via your GP (in 

the case of sexual problems), or through counseling.

Time to face the truth

You say you feel she ‘misled’ you. But is this what really happened? Didn’t 

it actually go more like this: your girlfriend told you she had had a few 

partners in the early stages of dating, but over time, as she’s come to 

trust you, she has been specific about her sexual past. Rather than this 

being dishonest it might be seen as her clarifying things as your 

relationship became more serious.

Maybe she’s never considered the number of partners she’s had before 

as  important. Perhaps she didn’t disclose much before because it just 

wasn’t an issue for her. Or was focused more on enjoying a blossoming 

relationship with you?

To move forward can you think about things more positively? That she 

had obviously come to trust you enough to share past experiences and 

felt it was important to disclose this to you? Aside from this recent 

problem is the relationship good overall? Can you focus on all the positives 

you have together rather than dwelling on things that happened with 

other people before she even knew you?

You worry you may not compare well with her past partners but it is 

worth remembering that we are all different and what worked or was 

enjoyable with one person may not be so good with someone else. It’s not

 just about how bodies fit together, techniques, or shared turn-ons but 

the wider relationship – how you communicate, show affection share 

values, interests and so on.

She has clearly told you she does not want to discuss this further and 

given she probably feels judged for being open with you it would be 

sensible to respect this.

Hopefully by thinking about why you hold these views and reconsidering 

how you view her and the relationship you can move forward. If you feel 

you are still judging her, are angry with her, or cannot stop thinking about 

her past it would be better to end the relationship while you address these

 issues yourself. 

I Am No Longer a Hopeless Romantic

 

 

 

I am no longer a hopeless romantic. I no longer believe in love at

 

 first sight, "the one" or the concept of true love.

 

Something changes when you are the one who wakes up one 

 

morning and realizes you're not sure if you still love the guy 

 

sleeping next to you, the one who's been there through anything 

 

and everything, the one who's supposed to be "the one." That 

 

morning, for whatever reason, was different, and nothing 

 

thereafter will be the same.

 

Why is this happening? How can you progress from feeling 

 

completely in love to suddenly unsure to inevitably breaking up, 

 

leaving you wondering if you ever loved the other person in the 

 

first place?

 

I love romantic gestures; surprise flowers, candlelit dinners, 

 

handwritten letters. I love doing cute things, sending surprise 

 

gifts, going on weekend trips because you're young and 

 

spontaneous and everything is before you. But somewhere along 

 

the line, it's not enough.

 

There is no secret to love. There is nothing you can do when you

 

 don't love someone. You can't make someone fall in love with 

 

you. You're just there in this state of love's purgatory, with pieces 

 

of a broken heart haphazardly mended together until, like 

 

Humpty Dumpty, it breaks into another batch of annoying broken

 

 pieces for you to fix.

 

Something changes when your parents get divorced, when you 

 

console your friends after devastating breakups, when an 

 

argument changes the course of a relationship and no matter 

 

how  many apologies happen, it's still heading due South. 

 

There were times when I was fresh after a breakup and I'd see 

 

couples on the New York City sidewalk holding hands and kissing

 

 and walking in step and I was surprised to find myself suddenly

 

 angry. Livid, even. Like, you know the end result is either a 

 

breakup or marriage, right?

 

It felt like a boomerang of emotions. The more I poured my 

 

happiness out to others, congratulated a friend on their 

 

engagement, admired the cute flowers a significant other gave as 

 

a gift, the more it came back to slap me in the face. That critical,

 

 unapologetic voice came out of nowhere. You know you're still 

 

single, right? You know that "the one" is probably still out there 

 

with someone else, right? The biological clock is ticking, and it's

 

 not making you look any younger.

 

A friend of mine commented that I had been so much more 

 

confident a few months ago, but I no longer seemed that way. 

 

What happened? 

 

It took me a while to think of the appropriate response. Where 

 

does your confidence go when you're unsure of yourself? 

 

When you're fresh off of a breakup, there are so many 

 

possibilities in front of you. You can date anyone at any time. You

 

 have more time to focus on yourself and discover new things 

 

about yourself. The world suddenly becomes your oyster, and the 

 

pearl has never shined so brightly. There are so many possibilities

 

 it's hard to find out where to start first. 

 

But that's before the luster dulls a bit. The honeymoon period of 

 

being single eventually wanes. The honeymoon period focuses on

 

 the positivity, the excitement, the hope. The honeymoon period 

 

often precedes the pointless dates, the idea of ghosting and 

 

overcoming mini-heartbreak after mini-heartbreak. These 

 

setbacks harden you and forces you to transform into a stronger 

 

person... eventually.

 

It also tends to shatter the once infallible confidence you've 

 

worked so hard to build. 

 

Sometimes, the answer is staring you point-blank in the face, but 

 

your vision is too clouded with excuses and denial that you don't 

 

actually see it. Reality is one hell of a thing that can sober you up

 

 even in the darkest of times. The realization that he's just not 

 

that into you is probably the hardest of all. 

 

There's a road that leads to the idealized notion of true love and 

 

you're all on it. While in high school and in college, some of 

 

your modes of transportation were in perfect condition, gleaming 

 

in the light with not a scratch to be found, while others had dents 

 

in the doors and had been banged up a bit. 

 

Years later and after college, my mode of transit has finally 

 

broken down, the tires worn and the doors dented and the gaslight

 

 flickering. I see others speeding by, repaired, bandaged, yet some

 

 scars are still showing. You're hurt, but not demoralized. 

 

Stronger, not weaker. 

 

At times, I wonder if I will ever catch up and if I will ever see the 

 

waving checkered black-and-white flag at the end of the road. 

 

Will I ever hear the applause, see the cheers, revel in the roars of

 

 congratulations? 

 

Something changes when you realize you're all on this journey 

 

of finding the idealized notion of "the one," but you don't know 

 

when you're going to find them -- or if you're going to find them.

 

Something changes when you think you've found "the one," but 

 

they are in fact not "the one." Or maybe it is "the one," but you

 

 didn't realize they were "the one" until it was too late. 

 

Something changes when you see the happiness of others, yet are 

 

still coming to terms with what it takes to make you happy.

 

I still believe that romance happens in the world and if these 

 

things happen to other people, then great. Good for them. I think 

 

love is the exception, not the rule. Not everyone has the ability to

 

 fall in love, nor should they fall in love. Some people, quite 

 

frankly, are just full of shit. I'm romantic, but my feet are rooted 

 

to the ground. I have hope, but I'm not "hopeless."

 

Something changed and suddenly, I am no longer a hopeless 

 

romantic. 

 

Something changed and nothing will ever be the same.