Love is When..you empathise!!

Love is When..you empathise!!
Love is When..you empathise, forgive unconditionally!!

Love is..when you make exception!!

Love is..when you make exception!!

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oo..oo

oo..oo

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Love Is When

Love Is When
Love Is When

******To show that love is true, stop talking, start showing and feeling ******

******To show that love is true, stop talking, start showing and feeling ******

Medicine for Humans

Medicine for Humans
Love overdose



Love Lessons



Love Makes it Impossible to Sleep

You Can Be Your Own Worst Enemy

Love Isn't Easy

Lost Love Can Be Haunting

Love Really is All You Need

Being in Love Means You - Never Fight Alone

You Have To Be Willing To Take a Chance


Love Gone Wrong is a Kind of Prison

A Broken Heart Leaves Scars


Love Never Really Fades

  • 50 First Dates (2004)
  • A Lot Like Love (2005)
  • A Walk to Remember (2002)
  • A Walk to Remember - Nicholas Sparks
  • Across the Universe (2007)
  • America’s Sweethearts (2001)
  • Armageddon (1998)
  • As You Like It - William Shakespeare
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's - Truman Capote
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's - Truman Capote
  • Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)
  • Bridget Jones's Diary (Bridget Jones, #1) - Helen Fielding
  • Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason - Helen Fielding
  • Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)
  • Brokeback Mountain (2005)
  • Casablanca (1943)
  • City of Angels (1998)
  • Cruel Intentions (1999)
  • Dirty Dancing (1987)
  • Emma - Jane Austen
  • Ever After (1998)
  • Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
  • Gone With the Wind (1941)
  • Gone With the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
  • Grease (1978)
  • How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
  • I'm In No Mood For Love I'm In No Mood For Love (Writer Friends, #2) - Rachel Gibson
  • If Only (2004)
  • Just Like Heaven (2005)
  • Love Actually (2003)
  • Love Story (1970)
  • Love Story - Eric Segal
  • Match Me If You Can Match Me If You Can (Chicago Stars, #6) - Susan Elizabeth Phillips
  • Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)
  • Mr. Darcy's Diary - Amanda Grange
  • Never Been Kissed (1999)
  • Notting Hill (1999)
  • P.S. I Love You (2007)
  • Pretty Woman
  • Pride And Prejudice - Jane Austen
  • PS, I Love You - Cecelia Ahern
  • Romeo and Juliet - William Shakespeare
  • Rules of Attraction Rules of Attraction (Perfect Chemistry, #2) - Simone Elkeles
  • Runaway Bride (1999)
  • Sex and the City the Movie (2008)
  • Shakespeare in Love (1999)
  • Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
  • Something’s Gotta Give (2003)
  • Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
  • The Accidental Husband
  • The Notebook
  • The Perfect Man (2004)
  • The Tempest - William Shakespeare
  • The Way We Were
  • The Wedding Date(2005)
  • The Wedding Planner (2001)
  • The Wedding Singer (1998)
  • There’s Something About Mary (1998)
  • Titanic (1997).
  • Truly Madly Yours Truly Madly Yours - Rachel Gibson
  • When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
  • When Harry Met Sally (1989)
  • While You Were Sleeping (1995)
  • Working Girl (1988)
  • You’ve Got Mail (1998)
Friendship personalities of sun signs

We laugh, we cry; we fight and we make-up. We also hold grudges and keep secrets. But then soon enough, we pour our hearts out. We stand by each other in toughest times and on the lowest days. And, yet we make fun of each-other. We are friends!

The cousins we get to choose for ourselves, our alter-egos, our friends play a distinctive role in shaping our choices, preferences and even our personalities. One of the most important influences in our lives, friends are like colours – adding not just beauty and variety to our lives, but also substance and support.

Let's get to know them even better with the Sun Sign-wise guide to friendship personalities -


ARIES
Aries is a fire sign, so independence is a part of its legacy. Happiest when they are in charge of situations, Aries natives have a competitive side that surfaces whenever they are in large groups of people. Their sharp wit and quirky sense of humour ensures that the people of all ages and temperaments connect well with them. Never at a loss for companions, they themselves are extremely selective about their own friend circle. It's definitely going to be a night to remember when friends step out with these fun-loving, flamboyant rock-stars. However, the Aries' need for variety kicks in soon after, and then, the Aries natives are perfectly capable of moving onto a new set of friends, especially if they are bored. Ruled by the First House, the house of Self, Aries tend to put their own needs first, though not intentionally. This should cast no shadow of doubt on their reliability as friends, as they may not share that last piece of chocolate, but they will always be there for their friends, even at 4 am.


TAURUS
There's an inner genuineness to Taurus that shines through, and naturally attracts people to them. They believe that friends are a great source of learning and support, and pride themselves on their stimulating and eternal friendships. They are often the ones with kindergarten friends, who can regale each other with stories from the past, and share an enviable unspoken understanding. They exemplify the phrase 'friends for life', playing varied roles of protector, entertainer, and critic as the need may be. They are steady and devoted, and their friendship is sure to stand the test of time. Without a demur, complaint, or rebuke, they will be there when they are needed, and will expect the same commitment from their friends. They are not big believers in the concept of 'complete space' in relationships, so they want to be involved in everything that matters to their friends. They can be the most wonderful friends if only their feelings are correctly understood. They are sensitive to the slightest snub, and will ably hide their insecurity below a smiling countenance, so friends will need to be careful to not take their undying loyalty for granted.


GEMINI
Gemini is one sign that seems tailor-made for friendship. Immensely popular on the social circuit, they swing between playing the dual roles of entertainers and intellectuals. This explains why they have a diverse set of friends - many groups for their many moods. They have two sides, and their friends need to know them well enough to assess the mood they are in. When they are in the mood for some moments of silence, nothing can lure them to a night around town. Similarly, when they are dressed to kill, they will ensure the night has no end. They love hanging out, and if their friends can tune into their wacky frequencies, they will be entertained to the hilt. With a mercurial temperament, Gemini is instantly attracted to intelligent people, and these relationships have the potential of becoming bonds for a lifetime. They are always open to adventures, so they have a different interesting perspective on most things. They are big on communication and would love spending time with someone they can match wits with. Optimistic and outgoing, they can create extraordinarily positive environments and help people see the brighter side of life.


CANCER
Many adjectives have been used to describe Cancer's sensitivity, but none of them can truly capture the essence of this soft-spoken sign's persona. They are definitely one of the more emotional signs of the zodiac, but that speaks volumes for the genuineness of their affections. They are loyal friends and while they may not express their feelings much, they will stand by their loved ones come what may. Being ruled by the moon necessitates that they are subject to swift mood changes, and they may be found smack in the middle of a boisterous group one moment, while the next moment they will be sitting by the windowsill deeply lost in thought. Nostalgia is a mood-booster for them, and they can often be seen poring over old photo albums, reliving their past. Their aesthetic side takes over when it comes to decorating their houses or setting up a kitchen garden, and they pride themselves on their fine taste. The doors to Cancer's home are always open for friends, especially those who shower them with the love and understanding that Cancer deserves. Their feelings are easily hurt, so close pals may need to treat them with kid gloves until they are completely secure in the relationship.


LEO
If there were a sign of the zodiac that could personify sunshine, Leo would be it. Outspoken and dramatic, they don't believe in beating about the bush, a quality that wins them as many admirers as it does critics. Completely at home in the spotlight, they love soaking up the attention and being surrounded by people. They are immensely supportive friends, always keeping one eye open for opportunities that can help their loved ones excel. Easygoing and quick-witted, they are a treat to hang out with, so it goes without saying that they have a huge social circle. They are generous to a fault, and will happily foot the bill for their friends, as long as they are not taken for granted. Leo is never going to settle for anything less than what they want, be it a dinner date, a designer dress, or a summer vacation. Their friends quickly learn to appreciate their charming and playful nature, and realize that the best way to have a fun time is to go along with the flow. Their competitive side rears its head occasionally when they feel that their friends are stealing their thunder, but they soon regain their sunny disposition and laud their friends for their achievements.


VIRGO
There's a softness to Virgo that reflects on their countenances, and people cannot help trusting these gentle souls. It doesn't hurt that they are always full of relevant advice, and will swear to keep your secrets until their dying day. They are definitely the most helpful friends a person could wish for - the ones who can make a detailed itinerary when you're on vacation, and a shopping list when you're going to the grocery store. They are very particular about details, and love creating order out of chaos. Virgo is the best friend to have in an emergency, as they seldom lose their composure and can think their way out of most situations. Not just that, they will foresee the loopholes in the plans they make, and plug them in advance, so they make for meticulous planners. The downside of these perfectionist buddies is that sometimes they stress so much over the minutest detail, that they can drive their friends up the wall. They are not proponents of PDA; their affections are felt rather than seen, and they may be embarrassed by shows of appreciation.


LIBRA
Punctuality is definitely not a virtue where Libra is concerned. Not that it's their fault; they are merely victims of analysis paralysis. When they do eventually turn up, they will apologize with such grace and genuine regret that their friends will be hard put to stay mad at them. Smooth talkers with a positive take on everything under the sun, they can effortlessly charm their way into any situation. Resourceful and always ready to help, they are your best bet when you need something double-quick. And with the kind of bonds they form, their friends will never refuse them any favours. With their high levels of intellect and awareness, they are great friends to have and provide their friends with constant entertainment. Libra is a people's person, and alone time is totally not on their agenda. This may result in them being demanding of their friends' attention and time, but with the way they pamper their friends, who's going to complain? Swanky hotspots, dream vacations, designer threads, and A-list personalities – all these are an integral part of the Libra friendship plan. Friends swear by their taste in clothes, often hauling them off for shopping sprees.


SCORPIO
There is an aura of mystery that surrounds Scorpio, a quality that greatly intrigues their friends. They may be selective about opening up in matters close to their heart, and tend to hold back until they are sure their friends will not judge them. This also leads to frequent misunderstandings, as friends remain in the dark about the intensity of their feelings. Once friends have proved they are worthy of the Scorpio's affections, they can be assured of a companion for life. They are quite comfortable on their own, so they don't have many close friendships, but are possessive about the few they do. They are loyalty personified and will defend their friends come hell or high water, but they also expect a reciprocal allegiance. Forgive and forget is clearly not their motto and they will make a virtual note of any slight, so friends need to be doubly careful with their words and actions. They are scornful of flattery but have great respect for genuine praise, so when they appreciate something, you can be sure they mean it. With their secretive natures and intense emotions, Scorpio friends are anything but predictable.


SAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius is a sign that is fascinated by the very thought of learning, and any friend who can feed their eternal hunger for knowledge is a friend worth holding on to. Their interactions with their friends provide them with food for thought, and they keep an open mind so they can absorb everything they hear, see, and read. This is also the reason why they have a large and diverse set of friends. With their endless observations on culture and philosophy, Sagittarius can be an extremely interesting companion to have along on a journey. They get a high out of adventures so if you're game, they will take you on the ride of your life. Entertainment will be on the house when they are around, and friends will spend many side-splitting moments with these natural madcaps, even if the laughter is at their expense. Their love for the unique ensures they try out loads of hobbies and adventure sports, and needless to say, they will make friends there too. Friends can rely on Sagittarius blindly; they never hold a grudge, or tomtom a favour, and will be there for their friends when they need them irrespective of time or distance.


CAPRICORN
Capricorn is hardly the type to waste time on frivolities, as they are extremely clear of what they want and where they want to be. Often, they are so caught up in getting to their goals that they may come across as snooty, but this could not be further from the truth. Resourceful and capable, they will spare no expense when their friends need something. Their practical instincts kick in when they are asked for advice, and they can sit up all night with their friends to help them put their lives in order. They are not really the risk takers of the zodiac, and would happily trade an adventurous option for a tried and tested one. Although they are loners by nature, they manage to rustle up quite a few close relationships. Traditional and responsible, they have a very strong sense of the role they play in society, and are extremely dependable. Never one to wear emotions on the sleeve, Capricorn is a loyal friend and partner, and never goes back on a promise. They also have great respect for people who have come up the hard way, and are dedicated to their professions. With a fine sense of humour and their typical deadpan expressions, they manage to get away with biting sarcasm.


AQUARIUS
If you judge Aquarius by the number of friends they have, you would assume they are the most easygoing people to be with. This assumption is not far off the mark, but it is certainly circumstantial. In reality, they keep their cards extremely close to their chest, and it is very few people who have the privilege of sharing their secrets. They may be generous and caring individuals, who can go out of their way to help even strangers, but they can distance themselves from their loved ones in a flash. For someone with so many friends, Aquarius is strangely not desirous of being in the limelight. They would happily work behind the scenes when they see someone in need, and are embarrassed by demonstrations of gratitude. They love surprising their friends with little treats and expect nothing in return. The only prerequisite is that they should be the ones making the decisions, be it the cuisine for a night out, the colour of a shirt, or a weekend destination. Friends can safely assume they are headed for a good time, because Aquarius is blessed with impeccable taste and an eye for beauty. All will be well in paradise as long as their friends don't cling too tight or try to dispute their decisions; any restrictions or dissent will instantly get their hackles up.


PISCES
There's a whole new world that Pisces inhabits, and they often scuttle off there to sort out their thoughts. Caring and sensitive, they are the best people to turn to when you want to vent your frustrations or get advice on a new relationship. There isn't an iota of superficiality to the Pisces concern; they truly want to understand what you're feeling so that they can make you feel better with the appropriate response. Armed with hypersensitive intuition and a knack of knowing just what to say, they can be the best buddies ever. They will never complain when they are flooded with sob stories, and will patiently hear out every one, often offering pertinent advice. They expect their friends to tell them their troubles because they are extremely open with their emotions themselves. Their vulnerability may be their Achilles Heel however, as this opens them up to being manipulated or getting hurt. They are not superhuman after all; they have insecurities too, and need as much reassurance as anyone else. Once left to their own devices, they can surprise friends with their creative ideas, and make them see a dream world that takes their minds off their worries.

How your sun sign affects the way you fall in love.

Aries dives in with a thunderbolt of passion, and they won’t be slowed down for an instant. They’ll jump in with both feet, declare their undying love and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully they’ll have picked a lover who likes being swept off their feet!

Taurus never moves fast. These folks like to take their time, so their neon-lit moment may take a while to catch fire. But once they’ve decided, they won’t be put off by any resistance or coyness from the apple of their eye -- they’ll stick around until they get what they want.

Gemini often hears bells and whistles, but they’re familiar with their own fickleness and may hold back until they’re sure it’s not just another passing whim. In the interim, they’ll chat so entertainingly that their potential lover will become smitten before long.

Cancer is definitely driven by their feelings ... but they’re also highly self-protective. They’ll approach their beloved cautiously and in the best crab-like fashion: sideways! This means that they’ll test the waters by introducing their new love interest to their family for approval before declaring their singular devotion.

Leo wears their heart on their sleeve. They certainly don’t like being rebuffed, but amid all their enthusiasm, they probably won’t consider that a possibility! They’ll shower their newfound love with compliments, expensive dinners and objets d’amour -- and expect a commitment within the week.

Virgo doesn’t go in for impulse decisions when it comes to love; rather, they’ll review their prospect with a somewhat detached eye as they try to spot any flaws. They’ll then likely persuade themselves that imperfections are a part of life and need to be accepted. And if the physical attraction is strong enough at the start, they’ll surely tumble head over heels.

Libra is known for their cool demeanor and indecisiveness, so they can often talk themselves out of love. They’ll weigh the pluses and minuses and think through all possible options -- and if their choice is still there after all this careful consideration, they might just allow themselves to fall hard.

Despite being a fixed sign, Scorpio can instantly go off the deep end when it comes to love. They’re quite intuitive and are rarely wrong about a prospective partner’s reactions. Conversely, they’re also very self-protective and insist on receiving positive feedback before laying their heart on the line.

Sagittarius is fiery to the point of recklessness, and rarely hesitates right out of the gate in a new relationship. In fact, it seems as if they have a guardian angel on their shoulder to make love happen the way they want. The Archer is also remarkably resilient, and always remembers that if this one doesn’t work out, the next one will.

Capricorn can be surprisingly sensual, but they’re also socially ambitious. Because of this, they may experience inner conflict about whether the object of their desire will be right for their lifestyle -- now and in the future. They’re not known to move quickly, and will instead give the relationship time to develop naturally.

Intimacy makes Aquarius nervous, so the prospect of a lifelong mate is daunting. The first thing they’ll probably do is introduce their new love interest to their social circle to see how they fit in; they’ll also flaunt their independence to see whether possessiveness will be an issue. Only then will they allow the relationship to grow -- and even then, gradually.

Pisces will know immediately when their dream of romance is standing right in front of them. But being forthcoming is not a Piscean strength, so like a true Water sign, they’ll do all they can to protect their insecurities. They’ll dance around and be elusive, and only when they feel secure will they make their feelings known.

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Attract true love your way

1: Envision the relationship you want to be in:

“Until you are able to see yourself living the life that you truly want, it will be difficult for you to create it.” “The One” offers a number of concrete exercises — such as creating a collage of lifelong dreams and writing the story of one’s life as if it were a fairy tale that ends with all of your wishes fulfilled — that helps the reader identify his or her personal vision of a truly satisfying relationship. “It was fun to imagine the ideal life that I wanted for myself,” Carly C. says. “I enjoyed thinking about my ‘dream’ soul mate, and then relaxing and letting it go rather than struggling and feeling anxious about whether he would ever enter my life.”

2: Release any toxic ties and let go of the past:

Relationships we form “have the capacity to nurture and inspire our growth” or to “block the experience and expression of love in our lives.” Identify “toxic ties” as attachments “that cause us to lose personal power.” These attachments can include prior romantic partners, friends or relatives, and when we don’t release these “toxic ties,” they can prevent us from moving forward with our love lives and keep us from attracting a partner who nurtures and supports us. When you “Practice” “Releasing Toxic Ties,” journal about questions they may have regarding this issue, including:

  • What relationship(s), if any, do I suspect may qualify as a ‘toxic tie’ for me?
  • What fears are dominating me in this relationship?
  • What boundaries could I set that would increase the health and wellness in this relationship?

3: Set an intention for your life:

We can create a “climate in which love can ‘miraculously manifest’” by following the first three steps for setting an intention:

  1. “The first step: to have a thought and/or belief in a particular possibility.”
  2. “The second step: to speak your intention out loud.”
  3. “The third step: to take actions that support the manifestation of your intention, and abstain from those that sabotage it.”
“In other words, I believe that finding love is possible for me, and I tell those people who are capable of seeing that possibility as well (and probably even those I’m dating) that I’m committed to finding ‘The One.’ Then I do that which is consistent with that intention as well as refraining from that which is not.” The fourth step of setting an intention is letting go of the results once you’ve done the work outlined in the first three steps. In other words, now it’s time to relax and let life happen to you.

4: Write a love letter to yourself:

Imagine that you are your ideal partner and put aside a quiet half hour to write a love letter addressed to yourself. What would your partner love and notice about you? How would that person express his or her caring for you? Expect to feel resistance toward completing this exercise, but push through and see what you might learn about yourself from your letter and what your ideal relationship and partner would look like.
It is very rewarding and very eye-opening. It is all about you being ready; it’s about being in the right head space, rather than just the number of people you meet.”

5: Make a welcoming space for love in your life:

Take up a challenge to go through their homes and evaluate whether they’re welcoming environments or not. “Make a list of at least five things you can alter in your home to create a more welcoming environment for an intimate partner,”
“Add to that one or two things you do to alter your schedule so that there is some breathing room in your life to explore new relationships.”




Signs you are in
Love
Love. We all have been in love at least
once in our lives. And we all know that it does something to us.
Our body
language changes, we feel happier than usual, the world does not feel like a
hell hole anymore, and we find ourselves smiling randomly at odd hours at random
people. Love can do wonderful things to you and some of the obvious signs of
being in love are listed below.
1. She is ALWAYS on your mind
No matter
what you do or where you are, that one person will always be on your mind. It is
like they have hijacked your mind space and continue to dominate the area week
after week. In the beginning you might take this to be an obsession or even
infatuation, but if the dominance persists for a prolonged period, you can be
sure you are in love.
2. Ms. Perfect
Ever feel that she cannot do anything
wrong? That she is the one person who wouldn’t as much as hurt a fly and is
incapable of causing grief and harm to anyone on this planet? Ever find
yourself thinking that she is the best blend of talent and beauty, of compassion
and passion? If the answers to all the above is yes, you are in love!
3. Your
playlist = romantic songs
Our playlist suggests a lot about our personality.
It does not simply mirror our taste in music, but it reflects our current state
of mind as well. So if your playlist is full of love songs, then it is one major
sign of you being in love.
4. You want to spend ALL your time with her
If
you are going through a phase of wanting to meet and spend time with only one
person, then you are bitten by the love bug. People in love often don’t
feel like meeting friends/family. They simply want to spend all their time with
the person they love. If you are going through something similar, it does not
mean you are some crazy obsessive person, but it means that you want to get to
know her better and be around her all the time. So if you find yourself making
plans with her and only her every weekend, then you are in love.
5. You’re
willing to better yourself for her
For very few people in this world we are
willing to change or better ourselves. The obvious entries in this list of
people are close family members and a friend or two. If you find a girl (who is
not just your best friend) in this list then you know you are in love. If you
want to better yourself, be the best human you can possibly be for one girl then
you are definitely in love with her.

There is a difference between a "Nice Guy" and a "Good Man," as was recently brought to my attention. In a previous blog, I tried to pinpoint the characteristics of a "Nice Guy" (since I've been successful at bypassing him in life thus far), but a "Good Man" goes above and beyond our general idea of Mr. Nice Guy. His chivalry and actions, rather than words (or promises), define him as a quality human being. He's like the Platinum Card of men created in this world, and I would love to get an upgrade from my poor credit history.

So, here is my updated version of the ideal man (although, even a "nice guy" would be an upgrade from the emotionally unavailable men I keep getting issued with):

A Good man:

  • sends you warm wishes, kind words, and his best intentions because he truly cares for you. Or, he'll "say it like it is," because he cares about you.
  • takes care of his family because it's the honorable thing to do. He is a good father and provider. If he has to earn money collecting recyclables by digging in trash cans, he will. He will roll up his sleeves and shovel manure to be able to put food on the table.
  • makes you feel loved. His actions speak louder than words.
  • would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, or let you ride on his back as he takes you over the hurdles.
  • would give his life for the security of his family, or even his country. He gets upset when a soldier is discriminated against because of his sexual orientation. He makes an effort to teach his children about tolerance and compassion-- that we are all just people in this world.
  • doesn't need to sleep with hundreds of women to feel like a man. He has perfected the skills of pleasing the one woman he makes a connection with, and can turn away countless others who vie for the spot.
  • will take the high road, but would become the Tasmanian Devil to protect those he loves. He is the tamed lion you can lean on, but isn't ashamed to put on an apron to cook a feast.
  • does what is right, even if it's the hardest choice.

I want to dedicate this to a good man who, with a few short messages, breathed life back into my sails. With his warmth and compassion, he showed me that I don't miss being with someone so much as I long for the feeling of being thought of, cared about, and appreciated, most of all. The cinders are still smoldering in my heart, and I now know that I should never give up hope. Love is the most precious gift of this life. The fire in my heart will burn again. Thanks to all the good men out there who make a woman feel like a lady.

To all the other hopeful romantics: don't ever give up hope. As long as you're still breathing, life is forever changing before your eyes. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. And someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.
Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, this third act twist: the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule.
But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending, we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.
And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. Maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.
Or maybe the happy ending is this: Knowing that all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never, ever, gave up hope.

If you're the gal who doesn't need anything (or acts like she doesn't), the kind of guy you want will NOT pick …

Needy women attract good men.

"Low-maintenance" women attract jerks…or no men at all. Is this counter to what you've always thought?
Did you think that the less you expected from a man, the more he'd like you?

Well, consider this: A Good Man - one who is confident, mature and relationship-minded - wants to give to a woman and make her happy. He needs to know that you need him and that he's enhancing your already-great life.
A good man also wants to know that you respect and love yourself. He does not want to be completely responsible for your happiness. (That's why I said he wants to "enhance" your life, not "be" your life.)

Now, say you're the gal who doesn't need anything (or at least doesn't act like you do). Mr. Good Man will NOT pick you as a partner. He may sleep with you…but he won't marry you. If you don't leave room for him to be your hero, and you don't show that you know you're worthy of him, he will leave before you can say "Why didn't he call?"

On the other hand, let's say that you graciously receive his compliments and show enthusiastic appreciation for the big and little things he does for you. Maybe you occasionally ask for his advice and let him open the pickle jar. You also make and keep boundaries, expect him to keep his word, and expect to be treated special. That, along with your kindness to him, tells Mr. Good Man that you're relationship material.

You're able to welcome him into your life, and you're confident in who you are, what you want, and how to get it. Isn't it funny? All this time we thought being low maintenance got the guy. Actually, that was in high school.

Now, as a grownup woman looking to share her life with a grownup man, not expecting anything only gets the guy who doesn't want to give you anything. So here's some homework to help you decide where you stand with this.

Look back on previous relationships (short or long) and answer these questions: Were there any good guys who might have gotten away because you acted like you didn't need him and/or didn't seem to have any expectations of him?

~Are the men you're attracting the Good Guys? Are they givers or are they takers? ~Do you know your boundaries, and do you stick to them?

~How well do you show him that you respect yourself? If a cute guy asks you out for Friday night on Friday morning, do you accept?

When he doesn't call or shows up late, do you tell him it's okay because you don't want to scare him away? (I think he gets one free pass on these, btw.) When he's telling you he's too busy to see you week after week, are you still hanging on?

~And…how is this working for you?

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Definitely, Maybe

  

Happy birthday to you

  
Happy birthday to you

  
Happy birthday, dear Will

  
- Where is he? Where's Will?
- I don't know. I was just talking to him.

  
You missed your birthday cake.

  
Uh-oh.

  
- And I baked it.
- You baked it.

  
Do you remember that song?

  
In your apartment?

  
Come as you are, as a friend

  
As a known enemy

  
- "Memory," not "enemy."
- I know, I know, I know.

  
- Somebody had too much to drink.
- No, I didn't.

  
I didn't, I didn't. I didn't.

  
- Yes, you did.
- I did.

  
- God, you're beautiful.
- Thank you.

  
What?

  
The thing is...

  
The thing is...

  
Is that I like you.

  
I've always liked you.

  
"Like."

  
That's pathetic. It's so puny.

  
"Love" on the other hand...

  
You'd run away from a word like that.

  
I love you.

  
I'm in love with you, April.

  
- Why didn't you ever tell me?
- Come on.

  
You know exactly why I never told you.
You'd never be interested in me.

  
You're an idiot.

  
- Stop.
- What?

  
- Not like this.
- Like what?

  
Look at you, Will, you're a mess.

  
Why couldn't you have told me
when you had your shit together?

  
- My shit is together.
- Your shit is a mess.

  
You're a mess.

  
My shit is a mess?

  
That's interesting, coming from you, April.

  
You could do anything on earth,
and you work in a bookstore.

  
What's that all about?

  
At least I tried. I went out there and I tried.

  
Look, I'm just saying this as a friend,
and I swear, it's just as a friend,

  
but maybe you should go out there
and, you know, get some help.

  
Go to rehab or life rehab
or something like that.

  
I don't even know if they have
that sort of thing, but if they did...

  
Okay.

  
...you know, you could be
a prime candidate for that.

  
- I should go to "life rehab"?
- Yeah.

  
Get off my front porch!

  
April?

  
You're right.

  
It is complicated, isn't it?

  
I mean, you're in love with April,
who used to be in love with Lucas,

  
and then she fell in love with you,
but you were in love with Summer,

  
who was always really in love with Hampton.

  
And now that you're in love with April,
she's in love with Kevin.

  
And no one's in love with you.

  
That's complicated.
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Pieces Of Relationship Advice My Dad Has Given Me Over The Year

   

Pieces Of Relationship Advice My Dad Has Given Me Over The Year

 Sure, you may have your friends, but no one delivers as potent a dose of tough love and life advice broken down to its most basic, uncomplicated and organic form like a
good, old-fashioned d-a-d. And since my own father is kind of awesome,
and I’m not so selfish that I won’t share him (philosophically, not
financially), I’ve composed a brief list of useful tidbits he’s imposed
upon me since the day I brought my first box of Tampax. Spoiler alert:
It’s all about boys.

(These are not direct quotes. These are summarizations of very long, drawn out and repetitive
conversations between my father and myself — written in his voice, for
maximum authenticity. Sorry in advance for the language, we’re all about
open communication.)

1. “Boys ain’t shit. They’re the worst. Literally the worst. All of them. Literally all of them.”

2. “Never chase a guy. If a
guy likes you, he’ll be all over you. It’ll be sickening. You won’t have
to ask him where he’s at, what he’s doing. If a guy likes you, you
won’t have to ask him to chill more than once. If you have to track him
down, he’s not checkin’ for you.”

3. “No, you can’t give it up to a guy right away! If you like him,
you have to make him wait. If not, he’ll be all, “If she’s giving it up
to me this easy, who else is she giving it up to?” The less people
you’ve slept with, the better. Boys like to think they’re the only one
you’ve been with, even if they know that’s not true.”

4. “Never tell a guy your number. Keep that shit to yourself. Or try
to make it as small as possible. If he’s asking, he’s gonna care about
the answer.”

5. “I’m not saying it’s right, but guys can get away with more shit then women. Y’all put up with more. That’s just the way the world works.
A guy can sleep around and it’s whatever. Girls are all “he’s a dog,”
but you’ll still deal with him. If a girl sleeps around, it’s like “man,
she’s a hoe.” That’s a deal breaker.”

6. “Women are way more willing to risk heartbreak than men. They fall in love like it’s nothing. Guys are terrified of that shit. Even more so than women. It takes a dude forever to get over a girl they love. That’s why they stay distant until they’re sure you’re not just another jawn.”

7. “If you gotta wonder if he likes you, he ain’t checking."

8. "Don't overanalyse shit.
Guys are easy. If he seems like he’s not interested, he’s not. He’s not
playing some game with you. He’s just not feeling you.”

9. “All guys want is sex. I don’t care how nice he is, from the jump, he’s thinking about getting some. It’s how their brains are wired.”

10. “Guys are visual.  You
can’t tell them shit, you gotta show them. If he fucks up, you gotta
show him you’re not about that, you can’t just say it. Make him earn his
way back in.”

11. “Somewhere along the line, girls forgot that they hold all the
cards in a relationship. Y’all have all the power. You don’t have to put
up with shit from a guy. Wars have been started over women; men will do
anything for a girl.”

12. “Respect yourself and your body. A guy picks up on the way you treat yourself and that determines how he treats you.”

13. “Trust your intuition. Y’all girls are always right.” TC mark

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Thursday, February 20, 2014

A Guy Gives Relationship Tips For Men.. 

Boy: I can’t call myself a relationship expert - yet - but I claim that I have enough experience and have been through a lot of situations that put me in a position to tell other guys what “Not” to do when they start dating…

Girl: I will never be a relationship expert. I believe I will always be learning new things about love and relationships as long as I’m still breathing. I’m just like all the other girls who want to have an honest partner that doesn’t hide stuff from us. So when I read Karim’s advice to the boys, I had to say something from a girl’s point of you.

DO NOT give her your Facebook password.

Ummm… Unless she’s a crazy maniac who will write statuses on your behalf, there shouldn’t be anything to be afraid of. The good advice would be not to have anything to hide from her.

DO NOT send requests for adding/following her, let her be the one to ask for it. You don’t. "The Hard To Get" theory.

News Flash: Playing hard to get is our thing! Don’t try to steal it from us, it won’t work, love!

In a restaurant, DO NOT leave your cell phone on the table, or always lock it with an unpredictable password.

Again, there shouldn’t be anything you don’t want her to see. And the real advice here is, pick a girl who won’t check your phone when you’re not around.

DO NOT allow the chance to talk to her mom over the phone - even just to say hi - because this means you’re being dragged into the “soon-to-be-the-fiance” zone.

That depends on the mother, the girl you are dating, and their beliefs in marriage. If you’re dating a girl from an open minded family, chances are they don’t give a shit about marriage; they only care about their daughter’s happiness and career.

DO NOT tell her everything about you so that you stay mysterious to her. This will make her more attracted to you and always wanting to know more. Trust me on this one!

And when we find out you’ve been dating 8 sluts before and that you used to pick up trashy girls online, we shouldn’t get mad about them either, right? Not telling us stuff about you will make us think you have a terrible history.

DO NOT reveal your financial statement to her ever! Always make her feel that you have less than what you actually have.

Even better, do not date a girl who’s after your money khalas.

If you don’t like something about her physical appearance or fashion style and want her to change it, DO NOT say it to her face… she won’t do it. Just seize the opportunity when you’re with her to look at any other girl and talk about her style.

Mmm that’s actually right. If she’s smart she’ll understand what you’re doing. But you’ll also be taking the risk of her being jealous of this girl you’re pointing at and start a fight with “Do you think she’s better than me?? Then go date her then!”

DO NOT go through any marriage-related topics, or go with her to a friend’s wedding, and deviously avoid these “what do you have on mind for the future?” conversations.

Oh no no no no! Avoiding the topic will give us the feeling that you are just playing around and that you don’t want anything serious! Instead, tell us where you’re at, how you feel, even if you want to get married 10 years from now, or if you don’t even believe in marriage. Just Let us know where you’re at, and then you’ll know whether we feel the same way or not, and the topic will be closed for good.

DO NOT introduce her to your family so quick, not even to your sister. Take your time to get to know her as slowly as possible.

I agree with this one. Introducing us to the family is a big step to us, when it probably doesn’t mean anything to you. So, yeah.

DO NOT say “I love you” in the very beginning of the relationship as long as you don’t feel it. Don’t rush into things!

I agree with this one too. That’s a given.

 Do you agree or not? You should try at least two or three of these tips!

Not really, that’s why I left these comments! xx

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Wondering if He's a Keeper? Look Out for These Signs!

Wondering if He's a Keeper? Look Out for These Signs!

1. Always encourages you to do anything you want 

2. Supports you whenever you need him 

3. Is a good listener 

4. Mature enough to be understanding 

5. Fights well with you and doesn’t hurt you to protect his ego

6. Plans his future according to how you see YOUR future too, not just to what he has planned for himself. 

7. He is not afraid to be vulnerable or emotional with you 

8. Cares about you having a life of your own, career, friends and will never stop in the way of it. 

9. Makes you feel beautiful even if you are looking your worst

10. Doesn’t put his sexual needs before yours and looks to please you 

11. No matter what happened in his past, he is honest about it.

12. Appreciates your quirks and the things you are normally embarrassed to be seen doing

13. You can LAUGH with him 

14. Your safety net if you ever fall 

15. Kind and gentle 

16. Wants to build a life with you 

17. He is responsible and dependable

18. He is willing to take care of you when you’re sick even if it means he gets sick too

19. Always tries to improve himself and be better for you 

20. A real gentleman, not the holding the door crap but takes care of you and is gentle with you

21. Makes the effort to work on things that annoy you

22. Finds interest in whatever it is that excites you

23. Your family loves him and he loves them! 

24. He can’t imagine his life without you

25. You can’t imagine your life without him

26. He allows you to be the best you can be

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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

When Is Divorce the Answer?

 When Is Divorce the Answer?

 

When should you divorce and when should you stick it out? This is the difficult question so many couples struggle with when their marriages take a turn for the worse. Rabbi Shmuley talks about how to decide whether a divorce is right for you and your spouse.
According to Rabbi Shmuley, divorce is never good, but it is often necessary, especially in cases where there is a recurring pattern of alcoholism, abuse or adultery. For most couples, he says the single determining factor for divorce is whether there is any affection or love left in the relationship.


Sometimes, couples think there's no love left when, in fact, there is, Rabbi Shmuley says. He recommends couples seek the help of an outside counselor to help repair the marriage before they come to that conclusion. Couples should also ask themselves the following questions to help determine if they are still in love:

  • When you have a piece of good news, who's the first person you want to tell?

  • When you see something beautiful—a mountaintop, sunset or rainbow—who do you wish was there sharing the experience with you?

  • If you see your spouse in pain, would you want to drop everything you were doing and run to take away his or her pain?

  • Do you find yourself thinking about your spouse all or most of the time?

  • If someone were to criticize your spouse—even if the criticism was justifiable—would you defend him or her?

  • Do you get jealous when you see a member of the opposite sex showing your spouse attention or affection?

  • Do you love talking about your spouse to other people?

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Monday, February 17, 2014

Wedding Vows Based on Relationship Science

Wedding Vows Based on Relationship Science

 I study romantic relationships. I'm also engaged. So, of course, I've given a tremendous amount of thought as to what it really means for my partner and I to marry one another. Researchers have found that weddings are deeply significant life events, but we don't really know why they're so meaningful. Marriage may simply be about celebrating a milestone: recognizing the relationship that a couple has built together and the love that they share for each other. But weddings are also very future-oriented, as the couple publicly promises to maintain their relationship for life. I suspect that it's really these vows -- the solemn promises that the newlyweds make to each other in front of their closest friends and family -- that are at the crux of why weddings have such an emotional impact.

No pressure. As my partner and I sat down to think about our own vows, clearly we had a lot to consider. If these promises are the essence of what it means to be married, then what exactly do we want to promise each other? We could always go with the traditional marriage vows: for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better for worse... but, these seemed a bit too vague for our tastes. We decided that we wanted to make more specific, behavioral promises: things we can strive to do for each other that would help us to not only remain together, but also happy and fulfilled in our marriage.

Conveniently, I had decades of research at my fingertips to help us figure out what it really means to be a good spouse. Why not harness those resources for our wedding? In other words -- and this may sound completely over-the-top nerdy to some -- we decided to write some research-based vows.

Below are the ten promises that we've decided to make to each other. We believe that each of these promises is going to help us to achieve long-term marital bliss. Here's why:

1. "I promise to respect, admire, and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you wish to become."

Research on positive illusions shows that it's helpful to see romantic partners in a positive light -- to appreciate their positive qualities rather than ruminating about their flaws. Not only does this sunny outlook lead to better relationship satisfaction, but positive illusions help partners to feel better about themselves.1 So, in the first part of this vow, we're promising to always see the best in each other.
In the second part of this vow, my partner and I are promising to support each others attempts to grow and improve ourselves over time. This is called the Michelangelo phenomenon, and research shows that supporting your partner's changes to their self in this way is very beneficial both for the partner and for the relationship.2 Importantly, I'm not promising to help my partner improve in the way I want him to improve, but in the way he wants to improve himself, and vice versa. It's all about supporting the partner's own personal goals. 2. "I promise to support and protect your freedom; because although our lives are intertwined, your choices are still yours alone."

This vow draws from research on autonomy. Although humans are social creatures who both need and enjoy relationships, it's also important for us to maintain our individuality. In particular, we need to feel like the decisions we're making are truly coming from us. When people feel forced or coerced into making choices -- like they didn't have any real choice in the matter -- they're less happy and less fulfilled. And, as you might have guessed, that lack of happiness is problematic for relationships.3 In this vow, my partner and I are promising to avoid pressuring, guilting, or otherwise coercing each other into making decisions, striving instead to always respect each other's right to make choices for ourselves.


 3. "I promise to seek a deep understanding of your wishes, your desires, your fears and your dreams."

This vow draws from research on responsiveness, which involves sensitively meeting your partner's needs. Striving to meet each others needs is a cornerstone of healthy relationships.4 However, you can't meet a partner's needs if you don't know what they are. Understanding one's partner is the first step to being responsive, which is why we each promise to seek a deep understanding of one another. 4. "I promise to always strive to meet your needs; not out of obligation, but because it delights me to see you happy."

Once we figure out what each others needs are, my partner and I promise that we will try our best to meet those needs. Of course, this can be easier said than done. Sometimes, giving your partner what they need involves difficult sacrifices on your part.

Research on sacrifice shows that it's important not to make sacrifices for avoidance-based reasons, such as feeling as though you "should" be giving something to your partner. Both partners are better off when any sacrifices are made out of approach motives, such as genuinely wanting to make your partner happy.5 So, with this vow, my partner and I are promising each other that when we do sacrifice for each other, we'll do it only with love and care, and not with reluctance or resentment. If and when we can't make sacrifices for the right reasons, it's probably better not to make the sacrifice at all. 5. "I promise to be there for you when you need me, whenever you need me."

This vow is based on what it means to be a good attachment figure: the person in your life who you most strongly rely on for support. With this vow, we're promising to reliably be there for each other when one of us is distressed: to be each others soft place to fall, or what researchers call a "safe haven".6 6. I promise to nurture your goals and ambitions; to support you through misfortune and celebrate your triumphs.

This vow covers the other side of being a good attachment figure: being there for your partner when they're not distressed. Basically, my partner and I both want to know that we can take risks, make mistakes, and come home to a supportive partner at the end of the day. Letting your partner go out and conquer their goals, knowing that you're there in the background cheering them on, is called being a "secure base".7 7. "I promise to keep our lives exciting, adventurous, and full of passion."

Here, we draw from research on self-expansion theory, showing that couples are happier when they engage in new, interesting things together.8 Basically, we're promising each other not to let our relationship fall into a rut.9 We're going to keep courting each other, keep traveling and exploring together, and keep sharing novel and interesting experiences with each other for the rest of our lives. 8. "I promise to persevere when times get tough, knowing that any challenges we might face, we will conquer them together."

This is the closest that our vows come to representing the traditional vows about being together "for better, for worse"; in other words, to stay committed to each other. Research shows that by having this committed outlook -- where we intend to stay together through thick and thin -- we should be better able to deal with any adversity that might come our way. This is because, when a couple sees themselves as a permanent partnership, their perspective on problems tends to shift from being about "me against you" to being about "us against the issue". Researchers call this "transformation of motivation": commitment helps people to stop treating conflicts as zero-sum, instead keeping the wellbeing of their partner and their relationship in mind.10 So, by acting like a team, we'll be in a better position to face challenges together. 9. "I promise to treat you with compassion over fairness, because we are a team, now and for always."

This vow draws from research on communal orientation. Being communally-oriented means that you contribute to your relationship based on what is needed and based on what you have to give.11 In other words, it's about being a team player. With this vow, we're promising not to "track and trade," keeping careful tabs on each other to ensure that we're each contributing to the relationship fairly and equally ("I did the dishes yesterday, so you should do them today"). Instead, we're promising to always strive to contribute what we can, based on the needs of our partner ("You got home very late and had a stressful day -- I'll do the dishes tonight"). We trust that our respective efforts will more or less balance out in the long run. Communal strength, or this willingness to give to the relationship without much concern for what you're receiving in return, is associated with a whole range of positive relationship outcomes.12 10. "I promise to show you, every day, that I know exactly how lucky I am to have you in my life."

With this last vow, we draw from research on the emotion of  gratitude13. When people feel appreciative of their partners, they're happier and more committed to their relationships. And when people express gratitude to their partners, their partners feel appreciated, that makes those partners feel happier, more committed, and more appreciative themselves. It's all a wonderful cycle of goodness. So in this vow, my partner and I are promising to never take each other for granted, but rather to appreciate what we have and express that appreciation to each other often.
......

After the wedding, we're planning on getting these engraved and hung up in our hallway, to remind ourselves regularly that we made these promises. Clearly, actually following them is the real challenge. But the effort we put into keeping them will undoubtedly make our relationship stronger.

And by the way, if anyone else likes the idea of having wedding vows that are based on research, feel free to use these. We're happy to share!

...................................................................................................... 

Interested in reading more about any of the research described in this article? You can click on the relevant italicized term, which will link you to an article providing a more complete description of that line of research.  

 

1. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996). The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 79-98.

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