Characteristics of Real Love
Love.
It makes the world go 'round, right?
Well, at least that's the how the
saying
goes. But is it true? It should be, but so
many people confuse
love with things like
jealousy or possessiveness. True love isn't
either
of those things. But these 16 things
are.So here are the characteristics of REAL
love:
1. Love means saying goodbye to expectations.
Sure, we all want people to behave the way we
want them to. We want them to be more
affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter.
Or more ambitious. All of
these things are
expectations. Expectations are just your
requirements
for "acceptability" of loving
someone. But true love has no
expectations. It
simply loves "as is."
2. Love doesn't play the victim role or blame
others. Love doesn't think others are "out to
get them." Love doesn't think
their loved ones
are wrong. Love works together. It takes
responsibility. It forgives and allows other
people's actions to be
their journey. Love
doesn't take things personally.
3. Love includes letting go.
Love doesn't equal possession. Just as the
saying goes, "If you love
something, set it
free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it
doesn't,
then it never was." There is truth to
that. Love allows people their
freedom. It
doesn't hold tightly and crush their wings in
attempt to
keep them. True love doesn't want
to possess. It is willing to set you
free if
you want to be.
4. Love doesn't require you to continue a
relationship.
You may love someone very much, but you may
not be compatible with them.
Or they may drive
you crazy with their continued disregard for
your
feelings. You can still love them, but
that doesn't mean you have to be
with them.
Love doesn't mean that you have to stay, and
stay and stay.
You can leave the relationship
and love them anyway.
5. Love has no room for jealousy.
Like possession, jealousy doesn't equal love.
We think that if we're not
jealous of our
loved ones that it means that we don't love
them. True
love has confidence in the quality
of the relationship. It knows that
the other
person is happy and content coming back to
you and only you.
6. Love is the absence of fear.
You can put all emotions on a continuum. On
one end, you have love. Then
appreciation.
After that, it's joy, happiness, contentment
and
satisfaction. On the opposite end of the
continuum of love is fear.
Other fear-based
emotions include, hatred, insecurity,
jealousy or
greed.
7. Love is not needing, but wanting.
One of the things we try to teach kids is that
there is a clear
difference between a want
and a need. Needing someone is a feeling
based
in fear. You fear that you can't live
without them, so you need them.
And remember,
fear is the opposite of love. Wanting someone
in your life
gives them the freedom to leave,
but still shows them you love them.
8. Love is an action, not just a feeling.
Humans tend to be addicted to intense emotion
-- especially when it
feels good. So, when
we're in love, we want to feel that way
forever.
But guess what? That higher than
"Cloud 9" feeling goes away after a
while.
That doesn't mean you don't love the other
person anymore, it
just means that it's not
new anymore. So that's where the action needs
to kick in. Show the person you love them.
Don't just assume they know.
9. Love is unconditional.
The word "unconditional" means that there are
no expectations or
limitations set. To love
unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most
humans aren't good at that. But true love
really does love without
trying to change the
other person.
10. Love means putting other people's needs
equal to -- or before -- your own.
While people may be inherently selfish for
survival purposes, this does not serve us well
in relationships.
If you don't put other
people's needs at least equal to your own,
they
will grow resentful. Real love truly,
genuinely cares about other
people's happiness
and will go to great lengths to make people
feel
valued.
11. Love is the highest vibration emotion that
there is.
Science has proven that emotions like love and
fear have very different
vibrations. They can
actually measure them. Love vibrates very
fast,
whereas fear-based emotions (think
jealousy, possessiveness, hatred,
greed, etc.)
vibrate very slowly. When you love
completely and
unconditionally, there is no
fear involved. The vibrations of love make
you
feel good at all times.
12. Love requires attention.
Love doesn't ignore. It doesn't look the other
way. It wants to be
present and be together.
When people are in love, sometimes they think
that they don't have to "do any more work."
But real love actually
enjoys giving attention
to another person. It feels good, and doesn't
see giving attention to another person as a
chore.
13. Love understands and accepts differences.
Let's face it: We're all different. Even
identical twins aren't exactly
the same. They
have different experiences and outlooks about
the world.
Real love doesn't make other people
wrong for being different. When
people truly
love another person, they accept their
differences.
14. Love varies in how it is expressed and
accepted.
What makes us "feel loved" varies. In the book
The Five Love Languages
by Gary Chapman, he
explains the different ways people give and
receive
love: (1) Words (2) Acts of Service,
(3) Giving Gifts, (4) Spending
Time Together
and (5) Touch. It's important to discover
other people's
love language so you can
understand each other and give love in a way
that the other person recognizes it.
15. Love makes you feel good, not bad.
Many people confuse being in a relationship
with love. Just because
you're in a
relationship doesn't mean there is true love
present. If
there is jealousy, possessiveness,
constant fighting, abuse (verbal,
emotional
or physical), that is not love. Refer back to
#6. Those are
fear-based emotions and actions.
16. Love has empathy.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself into
another person's shoes and
see a situation
from his/her point of view. Love has deep
empathy. "When
you hurt, I hurt." People who
truly love one another don't want to hurt
them. They want them to feel good. They care
about their feelings and try everything they
can to make them feel valued and worthy.
Remember,
love is happiness, appreciation and
feeling good. Anything other than
that is not
love. If we all loved one another as
ourselves, the world
would be a better place!
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